The Cleveland Browns acquired the contract rights of former Steelers head coach Bill Cowher today in a complicated, unprecedented four way trade involving the Browns, Steelers, Pirates, and the Cowher family. Details are as follows;

The Browns received the rights to Cowher.

Cowher and his family received clear title to a trailer in Parma, Ohio.

The Browns traded the contract of GM Phil Savage to the Pittsburgh Pirates, where it is judged he could do no further harm.

The Pirates traded a case of mentholated horse liniment and a dozen ace bandages to the Steelers.

The Steelers also get the equivalent weight of Romeo Crennel in kielbasa, to be delivered during next year's training camp.

Cowher is expected to coach the Browns in the 2009 season, but according to the league office, filling any coaching opening is subject to the Crennel Rule, which states that at least one applicant who weighs over 400 pounds must be interviewed.