DreamWorks

PG 13 118 min

So, dear friends, at the polar opposite of TELL NO ONE, a great flick that seemed to sneak into the multiplex with nary a sound, we have EAGLE EYE, with its millions of dollars poured into special effects and promo and the exalted name of Steven Spielberg plastered across the masthead. One would expect a grand adventure to stand alongside JAWS, ET, JURASSIC PARK, INDIANA JONES and on and on.

Nope. When the golden dome is lifted from the plate what you’ll find is a steaming pile of crap sure to be a regular on the year-end worst films lists.

To be fair Spielberg didn’t actually direct this dog but as executive producer and grand master of DreamWorks he called the shots. The actual director is D.J. Caruso, the man behind such film greats as, uh…

The film starts plodding along under the weight of its political “message.” US forces have targeted a turban wearing Osama look alike using new “Eagle Eye” technology that’s given a fifty one percent ID. It’s a monster computer supposedly able to track every movement of every human on earth. (Later in the film the same technology will give a 99 percent ID on a guy zipping through a high-speed car chase, who knows why it only did 51% on Osama as he was just standing around)

The mean old president and the mean old joint chiefs disregard secretary Callister’s (Michael Chiklis) misgivings and blow up the wrong guy.

Now there’s apparently a new explosive, undetectable and powerful enough that a small chunk can obliterate more than a ton of C 4.

The bad guys have placed a piece in the trumpet of a kid on his way to play the national anthem at the white house. When he hits the last note it will blow up everybody.

Good thinking bad guys. Why not set the damn thing off at the first note? Sometimes movie bad guys are just stupid.

On top of that the Eagle Eye computer has gone HAL 9000 crazy and sends Shia LeBeouf and Michelle Monaghan on the seasons most preposterous chase flick.

Topping it all off is a Chiklis monologue as embarrassing as Rocky’s “everybody can change” speech after the Drago fight.

Noisy, unintelligible, preachy and boring EAGLE EYE is one of the year’s biggest stinkers.

So far.

D-

WSS

wewtsidesteve@aol.com