@diehardbrownsfan said:

U.S. Navy - Master-at-Arms (1975-1995)

Department of Veterans Affairs - Risk Management 1995-2001

Banking Industry - Corporate Security/Protection 2001-Present

thanks for your service!

But I did grow out of that to be 4'1".

But I nearly didn't - a mountain lion in S. Ohio stalked me, when I was in the fifth grade,

but I killed it with a hastily made blowpipe from a cattail reed.

Later, I enlisted in the Air Force, Strategic Air Command, and left with honor.

All was well, til I made the long drive home from the Air Force one Friday, and went to the

family horse farm all alone late that evening, and made friends with their new horse.

So, I jumped up on the horse to ride, and quit riding after I slammed into the ground a few seconds later.

I wasn't hurt much, but it didn't knock any sense into my stubborness, because

I jumped right back on. Well, that's what you're supposed to do.

So, after taking a magnificent flying leap into the dirt, again, I decided to drive

to my family's house while I still could, and found out at their house

that the horse was only being boarded and wasn't broken.

So, after the Air Force, I used my great GI bill AT THE TIME (TIL JIMMY "the butthead" CARTER

KILLED IT in later years)....

and got a associate degree in Computer Science with honors and an award for the best costume

at the graduation party - a Wizard of Oz munchkin.

Well, by the time you would get a 4 yr degree, most of the first three years would be obsolete.

I may have gotten bucked off twice in a row, but I'm no dummy.

Then I got wonderfully married, and the next year while our dream home was being built,

we went to Hawaii, whereas we snorkeled til my wonderful cute Wife got tired, so I went out

one more time and ended up following a huge sea turtle away from shore til the ocean bottom

disappeared,

So, being WSI certified in earlier years, I had kept up with the sea turtle, but when I stopped and

looked around, I saw no land. Well, I had to turn around, and still almost didn't see land, but I did,

and there were little tiny people that seemed to be waving to me.

So, I swam back against the current, which I noticed was quite noticeable all of a sudden, about the

time I thought of the movie "Jaws", which didn't help me enjoy my swim back.

Ok, so that was one other time like the horse biz,,, but even worse was the polite scolding I got

from the local Greek god-type surfers who politely said that was very, very eh... dumb, that they had

never seen anyone go out that far without a surf board and I could have really gotten hurt.. etc.

Well, I already knew I was a almost a dummy, and they didn't help matters.

but that was nothing compared to the hugs I got from my wife, who said I had better never

show off my excellent swimming skills again or she'd kick my butt.

So, she was wonderful, and didn't laugh too much the next three days while putting aloe with zylocain on

my badly sunburned back.

But she did laugh, as well as the in-laws, when we were supposed to go to a fancy dinner the next evening,

and they came to our room, and I was all dressed up fancy and ready to go... except I hadn't gained the nerve

to put a shirt on. I put on my tie, even.

Okay, that was funny, and they laughed. And Jane said "Tarzan, King of the Jungle, needs to get real brave

, stop monkeying around like Cheetah and put on a shirt because we are going to dinner".

And, so I did.

so, outside of arguing with Al about Politics, or most anybody else about football, I was never a dummy again.

Only a few parts of this story are true, to protect the author's pride in being a comedian.

U.S. Navy - Master-at-Arms (1975-1995)

Department of Veterans Affairs - Risk Management 1995-2001

Banking Industry - Corporate Security/Protection 2001-Present

Merck Pharmaceuticals - 2001-2002, Philly, PA: supported in-vitro drug filling lines

Novellus Systems: 2002-2005, San Jose, CA and Fishkill NY: Service Engineer for CVD, PVD, Cu, W reactors

Solid State Measurements: 2006 - present: Customer Service Engineer/IT System Administrator/Design Engineer (yup, i have 3 jobs for the price of one....)

and i'll be laid off in about 6 months once they finish dissolving the company to Hungary. just survived a layoff 2 weeks ago of 34% workforce...leaving 23 people to continue operations.