* If a liberal doesn't like guns, he feels that no one should have one.

* If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.

* If a liberal is, he wants to ban all meat products for everyone.

* If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to

defeat his enemy.

* A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

* If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

* If a liberal is homosexual, he loudly demands legislated respect.

* If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as

independently successful.

* Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of

government protection.

* If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his

situation.

* A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

* If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.

* Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

* If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

* A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God or religion silenced.

* If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about

shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

* A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.