30 Reasons Why Cleveland Is Better Than Pittsburgh
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1. Cleveland’s athletes may suck spectacularly, but they don’t treat an unwilling woman’s vagina like a leaf-clogged gutter in a Category 3 hurricane.
2. While unfortunate, the “Mistake by the Lake” nickname is quaint and utterly harmless compared to Pittsburgh’s more telling moniker: “Hell With the Lid Off.”
3. The two greatest coaches in Steeler history both played for the Browns. The heart of the team during the Steel Curtain era went to Kent State. The best player of their current era is from Findlay. Clearly, when Pittsburgh needs talent, it comes to Ohio.
4. The Pirates.
5. 51-0. We will never forget.
6. Pittsburgh is held completely accountable for the release of both Terry Bradshaw onto the American public.
7. Naming a stadium after a condiment. Now it’s just a matter of time until we get Miracle Whip Park.
8. Either have a logo on your helmet or don’t. Slapping a sticker on the right side but not the left makes us feel like we’re watching a toddler running around with one sock on.
9. For all the talk about Pittsburgh being an old-fashioned, traditional town, the Steelers and Pirates spent their glory years playing on plastic grass in a stadium that came out of a box.
10. Pittsburgh once had an American Basketball Association franchise called the “Pipers.” Thus, literally translated, this rust belt, hard-ass city rooted for a a team named after flute players.
11. For as many horrible quarterbacks as the Browns have had over the years, they never put anybody on the field named “Bubby.”
12. The Heinz Field playing surface constantly looks like a septic tank is leaking just beneath it.
13. Because of the Big Mac, introduced in Pittsburgh in 1967, America is morbidly obese.
14. Adopting a corporate symbol as your team logo. Maybe next year the Browns should take a cue from the Steelers and put the FedEx logo on their helmets.
15. Pittsburgh’s bizarre obsession with black and yellow suggests a lack of imagination, smacks of fascist dress-code restrictions, and infers a citywide case of incurable colorblindness generally only seen as the result of a massive head injury.
16. Pittsburgh hosted the first-ever postseason night game in baseball history. So the next timeyou miss the exciting conclusion of a fantastic playoff game because you fell asleep just after midnight as the game went to the sixth inning, blame Pittsburgh.
17. Not surprisingly, Ted Stepien, the biggest train wreck in Cleveland sports history, came from Pittsburgh.
18. No one can either spell or pronounce “Monongahela.”
19. The letter “h” on the end of “Pittsburgh.” I mean, what the hell? Every other like-named American city dropped the meaningless “h” around 1832. This demonstrates Pittsburgh’s disdain for and/or ignorance of the English language and how it embraces superfluous silent consonants - a major problem in our society today.
20. Guess where Jerry Sandusky is from? You betcha. (And so is “Mr. McFeeley” from Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood. Coincidence? I think not.)
21. Pittsburgh is closer in population to Toledo than it is to Cleveland.
22. Former Indians’ letdown Ryan Garko is from Pittsburgh, likely sent into the Tribe’s clubhouse by his motherland as a saboteur to continually pop up to second and strike out with runners in scoring position.
23. Fun fact: biological warfare was invented in Pittsburgh in 1763 (ranking right up there with the creation of the Big Mac in terms of overall detriment to society). After Native American tribes surrounded and attacked Fort Pitt, at a negotiation summit tribal representatives were deliberately given blankets containing the smallpox virus. And it worked - many Indians around the fort caught smallpox and were subsequently defeated. You stay classy, Pittsburgh.
24. The original Night of the Living Dead movie was shot in and around Pittsburgh, which just seemed to George Romero like a natural environment for mindless, soulless, violent, zombie-like monsters. And when Christopher Nolan needed a backdrop for bleak, dank Gotham City to film the grim conclusion to his Batman trilogy last summer, he hopped on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and got off when he felt depressed.
25. Pittsburgh’s murder and violent-crime rate is twice the national average. Even they don’t like themselves.
26. Mark Cuban is a complete dick. Mark Cuban was born in Pittsburgh. Connect the dots between those two statements.
27. Three rivers? Really? Most big cities just need one.
28. The American Lung Association has concluded it’s healthier to eat a bowl of fiberglass than to take a deep breath within the Pittsburgh city limits.
29. Pittsburgh’s namesake, William Pitt, looks less like a great statesman and more like Melissa Etheridge.
30. Pittsburgh has been called the “Paris of Appalachia.” You can’t un-hear something like that. Sort of like being called the “Cadillac of Leprosy.”
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nothing better to do at 2:30 am than try to bait people
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Sadly, Pittsburgh has six reasons to claim supremecy over Cleveland.
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23: biological warfare was used in the 1346 siege of caffa. Bubonic plague victims were launched by catapult into the city. So, no, it wasn't invented in or near Pittsburgh.
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1. Cleveland’s athletes may suck spectacularly, but they don’t treat an unwilling woman’s vagina like a leaf-clogged gutter in a Category 3 hurricane.
2. While unfortunate, the “Mistake by the Lake” nickname is quaint and utterly harmless compared to Pittsburgh’s more telling moniker: “Hell With the Lid Off.”
3. The two greatest coaches in Steeler history both played for the Browns. The heart of the team during the Steel Curtain era went to Kent State. The best player of their current era is from Findlay. Clearly, when Pittsburgh needs talent, it comes to Ohio.
4. The Pirates.
5. 51-0. We will never forget.
6. Pittsburgh is held completely accountable for the release of both Terry Bradshaw onto the American public.
7. Naming a stadium after a condiment. Now it’s just a matter of time until we get Miracle Whip Park.
8. Either have a logo on your helmet or don’t. Slapping a sticker on the right side but not the left makes us feel like we’re watching a toddler running around with one sock on.
9. For all the talk about Pittsburgh being an old-fashioned, traditional town, the Steelers and Pirates spent their glory years playing on plastic grass in a stadium that came out of a box.
10. Pittsburgh once had an American Basketball Association franchise called the “Pipers.” Thus, literally translated, this rust belt, hard-ass city rooted for a a team named after flute players.
11. For as many horrible quarterbacks as the Browns have had over the years, they never put anybody on the field named “Bubby.”
12. The Heinz Field playing surface constantly looks like a septic tank is leaking just beneath it.
13. Because of the Big Mac, introduced in Pittsburgh in 1967, America is morbidly obese.
14. Adopting a corporate symbol as your team logo. Maybe next year the Browns should take a cue from the Steelers and put the FedEx logo on their helmets.
15. Pittsburgh’s bizarre obsession with black and yellow suggests a lack of imagination, smacks of fascist dress-code restrictions, and infers a citywide case of incurable colorblindness generally only seen as the result of a massive head injury.
16. Pittsburgh hosted the first-ever postseason night game in baseball history. So the next timeyou miss the exciting conclusion of a fantastic playoff game because you fell asleep just after midnight as the game went to the sixth inning, blame Pittsburgh.
17. Not surprisingly, Ted Stepien, the biggest train wreck in Cleveland sports history, came from Pittsburgh.
18. No one can either spell or pronounce “Monongahela.”
19. The letter “h” on the end of “Pittsburgh.” I mean, what the hell? Every other like-named American city dropped the meaningless “h” around 1832. This demonstrates Pittsburgh’s disdain for and/or ignorance of the English language and how it embraces superfluous silent consonants - a major problem in our society today.
20. Guess where Jerry Sandusky is from? You betcha. (And so is “Mr. McFeeley” from Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood. Coincidence? I think not.)
21. Pittsburgh is closer in population to Toledo than it is to Cleveland.
22. Former Indians’ letdown Ryan Garko is from Pittsburgh, likely sent into the Tribe’s clubhouse by his motherland as a saboteur to continually pop up to second and strike out with runners in scoring position.
23. Fun fact: biological warfare was invented in Pittsburgh in 1763 (ranking right up there with the creation of the Big Mac in terms of overall detriment to society). After Native American tribes surrounded and attacked Fort Pitt, at a negotiation summit tribal representatives were deliberately given blankets containing the smallpox virus. And it worked - many Indians around the fort caught smallpox and were subsequently defeated. You stay classy, Pittsburgh.
24. The original Night of the Living Dead movie was shot in and around Pittsburgh, which just seemed to George Romero like a natural environment for mindless, soulless, violent, zombie-like monsters. And when Christopher Nolan needed a backdrop for bleak, dank Gotham City to film the grim conclusion to his Batman trilogy last summer, he hopped on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and got off when he felt depressed.
25. Pittsburgh’s murder and violent-crime rate is twice the national average. Even they don’t like themselves.
26. Mark Cuban is a complete dick. Mark Cuban was born in Pittsburgh. Connect the dots between those two statements.
27. Three rivers? Really? Most big cities just need one.
28. The American Lung Association has concluded it’s healthier to eat a bowl of fiberglass than to take a deep breath within the Pittsburgh city limits.
29. Pittsburgh’s namesake, William Pitt, looks less like a great statesman and more like Melissa Etheridge.
30. Pittsburgh has been called the “Paris of Appalachia.” You can’t un-hear something like that. Sort of like being called the “Cadillac of Leprosy.”
1. Cleveland’s athletes may suck spectacularly, but they don’t treat an unwilling woman’s vagina like a leaf-clogged gutter in a Category 3 hurricane.
I am trying to visualize that. Can't get my head around it.
2. While unfortunate, the “Mistake by the Lake” nickname is quaint and utterly harmless compared to Pittsburgh’s more telling moniker: “Hell With the Lid Off.”
actually that only applied that moniker to the old stadium.
3. The two greatest coaches in Steeler history both played for the Browns. The heart of the team during the Steel Curtain era went to Kent State. The best player of their current era is from Findlay. Clearly, when Pittsburgh needs talent, it comes to Ohio.
They got James Harrison from Coventry and Kent St. Does that count?
4. The Pirates.
5. 51-0. We will never forget.
6. Pittsburgh is held completely accountable for the release of both Terry Bradshaw onto the American public.
If you saw a recent trivia of mine, Pittsburgh only got Terry because they won a coin flip with the Bears. If they had lost, the Bears would have gotten Bradshaw and the Steelers may have taken Mike Phipps. So, either one of two things could have happened: the Bears could have been the great team of the 70s with TB at QB....or, it would have been Mike Phipps who would have QBd the Bears to 4 SB wins those years. Which do you think more likely? (the Butterfly effect)
7. Naming a stadium after a condiment. Now it’s just a matter of time until we get Miracle Whip Park.
For all his ineptitude, at least Randy Lerner has never foisted some stupid corporate name to Cleveland Browns Stadium.
8. Either have a logo on your helmet or don’t. Slapping a sticker on the right side but not the left makes us feel like we’re watching a toddler running around with one sock on.
I am not sure you should knock that. The idea was suggested to the Steelers by Cleveland's Republic Steel that they should use the US Steel logo on their helmet. In other words, we only have ourselves to blame for that. Otherwise, their helmet logo could have been Steeler McBeam or something cartoonish like that.
9. For all the talk about Pittsburgh being an old-fashioned, traditional town, the Steelers and Pirates spent their glory years playing on plastic grass in a stadium that came out of a box.
As did Cincinnati, and Philly, and St. Louis, and etc.
10. Pittsburgh once had an American Basketball Association franchise called the “Pipers.” Thus, literally translated, this rust belt, hard-ass city rooted for a a team named after flute players.
I assume by "Pipers" they meant like the pipes in your basement. Maybe they would have been better off calling them "The Welders". I mean, the most famous piece of ass from Pittsburgh, the chick from Flashdance, was a welder, wasn't she? Also, I believe the Pipers were originally owned by the DeBartolo's, weren't they?
11. For as many horrible quarterbacks as the Browns have had over the years, they never put anybody on the field named “Bubby.”
Yea, at least the Browns only gave "Spergon" 1 career start.
12. The Heinz Field playing surface constantly looks like a septic tank is leaking just beneath it.
13. Because of the Big Mac, introduced in Pittsburgh in 1967, America is morbidly obese.
14. Adopting a corporate symbol as your team logo. Maybe next year the Browns should take a cue from the Steelers and put the FedEx logo on their helmets.
Some idjits on here would probably support that move.
15. Pittsburgh’s bizarre obsession with black and yellow suggests a lack of imagination, smacks of fascist dress-code restrictions, and infers a citywide case of incurable colorblindness generally only seen as the result of a massive head injury.
16. Pittsburgh hosted the first-ever postseason night game in baseball history. So the next timeyou miss the exciting conclusion of a fantastic playoff game because you fell asleep just after midnight as the game went to the sixth inning, blame Pittsburgh.
17. Not surprisingly, Ted Stepien, the biggest train wreck in Cleveland sports history, came from Pittsburgh.
18. No one can either spell or pronounce “Monongahela.”
At least, no one that isn't part native American
19. The letter “h” on the end of “Pittsburgh.” I mean, what the hell? Every other like-named American city dropped the meaningless “h” around 1832. This demonstrates Pittsburgh’s disdain for and/or ignorance of the English language and how it embraces superfluous silent consonants - a major problem in our society today.
At least Cleveland got rid of it superfluous "A", eh?
20. Guess where Jerry Sandusky is from? You betcha. (And so is “Mr. McFeeley” from Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood. Coincidence? I think not.)
21. Pittsburgh is closer in population to Toledo than it is to Cleveland.
22. Former Indians’ letdown Ryan Garko is from Pittsburgh, likely sent into the Tribe’s clubhouse by his motherland as a saboteur to continually pop up to second and strike out with runners in scoring position.
23. Fun fact: biological warfare was invented in Pittsburgh in 1763 (ranking right up there with the creation of the Big Mac in terms of overall detriment to society). After Native American tribes surrounded and attacked Fort Pitt, at a negotiation summit tribal representatives were deliberately given blankets containing the smallpox virus. And it worked - many Indians around the fort caught smallpox and were subsequently defeated. You stay classy, Pittsburgh.
24. The original Night of the Living Dead movie was shot in and around Pittsburgh, which just seemed to George Romero like a natural environment for mindless, soulless, violent, zombie-like monsters. And when Christopher Nolan needed a backdrop for bleak, dank Gotham City to film the grim conclusion to his Batman trilogy last summer, he hopped on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and got off when he felt depressed.
25. Pittsburgh’s murder and violent-crime rate is twice the national average. Even they don’t like themselves.
26. Mark Cuban is a complete dick. Mark Cuban was born in Pittsburgh. Connect the dots between those two statements.
Why didn't he buy the Penguins back when they went bankrupt? Not a hockey fan? Or maybe he has completely abandoned his home town?
27. Three rivers? Really? Most big cities just need one.
28. The American Lung Association has concluded it’s healthier to eat a bowl of fiberglass than to take a deep breath within the Pittsburgh city limits.
29. Pittsburgh’s namesake, William Pitt, looks less like a great statesman and more like Melissa Etheridge.
How would anyone know? OK, here you go:
30. Pittsburgh has been called the “Paris of Appalachia.” You can’t un-hear something like that. Sort of like being called the “Cadillac of Leprosy.”
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