My Love Hate Letters To Draft Prospects
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With only a hand full of days to go before the draft I think I'm going to be posting a few Fuck You Sucks and Holy Christ Your Goods towards some draft prospects and my first rant belongs to...
Brandon Weeden QB Ok State
Fuck You Suck
Damn dude there is so much that a guy can see and say he likes you. You have two full seasons as a starting QB, a good win lose record, NFL quality arm strength, and good production with yards and TD to INT ratio. Oh and there is the experience... experience... experience... HOLY FUCK YOUR OLD!
Jesus man why in the hell are you trying to play in the NFL as a 29 year old rookie. Have some decency and at least tell teams to call you after Sunday to sign you as an UDFA, do not be the dick who makes a team waste a pick on a player that is older than some entire teams rosters. Not to mention you played in the Big 12. When was the last time one of your fucking Big 12, drafted how many years before you and still younger than you, comrades have been successful in the NFL. Seriously it's like buying a match 3 scratch off ticket and two of the 3 spaces have been scratched and you can already see they don't match.
Would we even be talking right now if it wasn't for Justin Blackmon. Don't be me started on that goofy toothed fuck but if it wasn't for that DUI having, Cancer survivor befriending, weird combination of average and fantastic athlete you had at WR no one would even know your name. Gruden wouldn't have made fun of you for getting a safety and a pick 6 all in the same play and the girls at the old folks home wouldn't be filling you message box with promises of hard candies and gummed up blowies.
The worst part is you know how bad you are! How fucking terrible does a guy need to be to openly tell the media how much he hopes to get drafted by one of the worst teams in the league such as the Browns. How terrible does a guy have to be to tell the media that he wants to be drafted by any team in particular! That is a terrible desperation move buy a guy who just wants to try and bump his draft stock and make some more money. Everyone sees. Your mom and dad see it, the last young chick still hunting for you dick sees it, and more importantly the Browns FO sees it. Hopefully they see it for what it is and leave you waiting on draft day. Hopefully all teams leave you waiting on draft day, and with the 2012 drafts #254 overall pick Mr. Irrelevant is Brandon Weeden... cause that is what you deserve. A whole week dedicated to how terrible of a player you are.
I don't care if you want to fail at 2 professional sports, just don't do it with the Browns.
Peace out honky, stay fresh.
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Brandon Weedon has the rare possibility to suck at two professional sports. He already sucked at baseball, let's get football now!
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I have a 10 page paper to write over the next two days so I play on a writing a few of these to give me an excuse to procrastinate.
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Trent Richardson RB Alabama
Holy Christ Your Good
I don't buy into that hype that a RB can't be taken till a certain point in the draft. It's a god damn skill position! But the point is that you don't have to prove to me that you deserve to be taken 4th overall, you need to prove it to everyone else. You needed to not just truck every LB, CB, and S that got in your way but toss bows while running down the sideline and wipe out the opposing head coaches. You needed to run behind only 3 O Linemen against a 8 man box. You needed to catch the football and Hulk leap over everyone into the endzone. You needed to stare at opposing kickers and tear their ACL's with your mind. You didn't and you failed.
The best I can describe you to is my old truck. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't flashy, and it had it's share of dents, scratches, and broken parts, but regardless of what was wrong with it, it always managed to get me from A to B when ever I needed it to. It was the perfect combination of power and speed. It could rip a tree stump out of the ground and keep up with my friends mustang when we went racing down back roads. Your problem is that this draft offers a lot of other trucks that are just one model year older and only have a bit less horse power. Even though no one is going to try and claim they are the better truck, they cost a lot less and still do the job they are designed to do.
But Trent you only have a limited amount of miles on you compared to these other models. You might last longer and make the bigger lot price worth it. I honestly think you do. But we already went through that. So all I can say is have a someone change your oil, stick with the unleaded, and possibly learn how to freeze time like a god damn X-Men cause you still have a decent sized stable of people you need to convince in order to be the unanimous fan favorite for #4.
Hope you didn't get her pregnant!
HB
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HB:
who woulda guessed that you of all people wrote a blackmon sucks rant and an 'oh my god TR is the best thing since sliced bread'.
you can't be objective because of your man-love for TR so anything you say until after the draft just goes by the wayside like pissing in a trough in germany.
any player who is ranked that high whether it be the OL, WR, RB or CB is (usually) worthy. the value and placement of the picks is what people should be arguing or debating about not that you have horse blinders on looking at only one player and not the big picture.
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HB:
who woulda guessed that you of all people wrote a blackmon sucks rant and an 'oh my god TR is the best thing since sliced bread'.
you can't be objective because of your man-love for TR so anything you say until after the draft just goes by the wayside like pissing in a trough in germany.
any player who is ranked that high whether it be the OL, WR, RB or CB is (usually) worthy. the value and placement of the picks is what people should be arguing or debating about not that you have horse blinders on looking at only one player and not the big picture.
HB:
who woulda guessed that you of all people wrote a blackmon sucks rant and an 'oh my god TR is the best thing since sliced bread'.
you can't be objective because of your man-love for TR so anything you say until after the draft just goes by the wayside like pissing in a trough in germany.
any player who is ranked that high whether it be the OL, WR, RB or CB is (usually) worthy. the value and placement of the picks is what people should be arguing or debating about not that you have horse blinders on looking at only one player and not the big picture.
I didn't write a hate letter to Blackmon. I am going to write one on how I can't get a fix on whether to love him or hate him that I hope is pretty funny. You literally take everything positive that I say about Richardson and claim that I suck his cock or some stupid bullshit. These are meant to be funny and poke fun and nothing more.
(and literally the worst thing I said about Blackmon was his DUI arrest and how he is physically average in certain areas aka no one thinks he is a burner)
And it is an augment of talent. Just about 99% of people agree that if he is the next AP that he should be taken regardless of the fact that the RB position has been devalued. I think he is near that level and that is my opinion. I have stated on many occasions that I would also like Claiborne there and would except the Blackmon pick (even though I am up and down on him every other day) but your the only one who seems to never pay attention when I say it.
Ruining threads since 1897. -
no, you're right. i have seen you make those posts recently. and i know you are not a one-trick pony like some other TR fans that i'd rather not mention. AND YES, i do se the humor in your posts.
BUT realize this (for all those who think their level of diabolical shots across the bow can equal those such as mine) we do it for fun and in a way comradarie.
we can all sit here and complain and go back and forth about who should be our first pick bla blah blah.......but i consider the people on this forum some ignorant some brilliant to be my brethren.
i might not like your opinion on somethin but i see someone messing with you and knuckles WILL get cracked.
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no, you're right. i have seen you make those posts recently. and i know you are not a one-trick pony like some other TR fans that i'd rather not mention. AND YES, i do se the humor in your posts.
BUT realize this (for all those who think their level of diabolical shots across the bow can equal those such as mine) we do it for fun and in a way comradarie.
we can all sit here and complain and go back and forth about who should be our first pick bla blah blah.......but i consider the people on this forum some ignorant some brilliant to be my brethren.
i might not like your opinion on somethin but i see someone messing with you and knuckles WILL get cracked.
no, you're right. i have seen you make those posts recently. and i know you are not a one-trick pony like some other TR fans that i'd rather not mention. AND YES, i do se the humor in your posts.
BUT realize this (for all those who think their level of diabolical shots across the bow can equal those such as mine) we do it for fun and in a way comradarie.
we can all sit here and complain and go back and forth about who should be our first pick bla blah blah.......but i consider the people on this forum some ignorant some brilliant to be my brethren.
i might not like your opinion on somethin but i see someone messing with you and knuckles WILL get cracked.
Ha not a fair assessment. I crack my knuckles religiously.
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no, you're right. i have seen you make those posts recently. and i know you are not a one-trick pony like some other TR fans that i'd rather not mention. AND YES, i do se the humor in your posts.
BUT realize this (for all those who think their level of diabolical shots across the bow can equal those such as mine) we do it for fun and in a way comradarie.
we can all sit here and complain and go back and forth about who should be our first pick bla blah blah.......but i consider the people on this forum some ignorant some brilliant to be my brethren.
i might not like your opinion on somethin but i see someone messing with you and knuckles WILL get cracked.
Ha not a fair assessment. I crack my knuckles religiously.
Ha not a fair assessment. I crack my knuckles religiously.
stop!! it leads to arthritis!!
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Justin Blackmon WR OkState
Holy Fuck Dude, You Confuse Me!
Seriously every day I change my mind about you. I'm not one of those people who say we can't take a WR early because we passed on Jones last year. I don't think your much of a step down from Jones. But then I don't see how we can take you where AJ Green was taken last year when I am certain your not as good as Green.
I can't say I would be mad to have you at #4 though. You were super productive in college and the worst parts of your game are still solid. But I want you to be taller, I want you to be faster. Why can't you do that for me? Hey don't bitch at me for asking, I just told Richardson to develop super powers, I'm just asking you to grow 2 inches and shave hundredths of a second off your 40!
You got the reach, the route running, and the hands to make any GM wet in the pants but you still leave so many questions. How well will you transfer from a spread to a pro system? How good will you be at getting separation at the next level? What the fuck is wrong with your teeth? The last question perplexes me the most! Seriously I can't tell if you have braces, a grill, or if your uncle was Jaws from 007.
I got to say though I can't help but feel that your going to be the pick for one reason. Heckert has never drafted someone in the 1st round that I was overly excited about. He never picked the flashy player that I was hoping we would get, it has always been someone that I had real doubts about going into the season. But hey his first round picks have worked out so far. Maybe if he drafts you his magic first round pick powers will make sure your a decent player in the NFL.
Get money get paid.
HB
Ruining threads since 1897. -
HB:
who woulda guessed that you of all people wrote a blackmon sucks rant and an 'oh my god TR is the best thing since sliced bread'.
you can't be objective because of your man-love for TR so anything you say until after the draft just goes by the wayside like pissing in a trough in germany.
any player who is ranked that high whether it be the OL, WR, RB or CB is (usually) worthy. the value and placement of the picks is what people should be arguing or debating about not that you have horse blinders on looking at only one player and not the big picture.
I didn't write a hate letter to Blackmon. I am going to write one on how I can't get a fix on whether to love him or hate him that I hope is pretty funny. You literally take everything positive that I say about Richardson and claim that I suck his cock or some stupid bullshit. These are meant to be funny and poke fun and nothing more.
(and literally the worst thing I said about Blackmon was his DUI arrest and how he is physically average in certain areas aka no one thinks he is a burner)
And it is an augment of talent. Just about 99% of people agree that if he is the next AP that he should be taken regardless of the fact that the RB position has been devalued. I think he is near that level and that is my opinion. I have stated on many occasions that I would also like Claiborne there and would except the Blackmon pick (even though I am up and down on him every other day) but your the only one who seems to never pay attention when I say it.
I didn't write a hate letter to Blackmon. I am going to write one on how I can't get a fix on whether to love him or hate him that I hope is pretty funny.
It was... I gave it 3 lol's...
:lol: Who's next?
"When you have a shared vision it is a lot easier to make unpopular decisions." - Paul DePodesta "When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less." - Paul Brown Complete 2017 Browns Board Mock: http://thebrownsboard.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=46196 -
I didn't write a hate letter to Blackmon. I am going to write one on how I can't get a fix on whether to love him or hate him that I hope is pretty funny.
It was... I gave it 3 lol's...
:lol: Who's next?
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Ryan Broyles WR Oklahoma
Fucking Christ Dude Your Good
No one can deny the talent that you have at WR. Would you have been a top 10 pick this year. No. Your height turns teams off worse than a case of mouth herpes. But you would have been a really solid late 1st round pick.
But your knee dude. What the fuck is up with that? Why would you go and get yourself injured. Don't say it's not your fault, it's your knee not God's.
As Browns fans I think we have seen enough of rookies with great potential go down because of known knee problems. Take a look at Hardesty. All he needed to do was to go with a bionic leg transplant before the draft. "Oh but HB that technology doesn't exist yet?" Bullshit! Fucking science dawg!
Now all you need is a Adamantium bone transplant. Shit worked for Wolverine and those pre game pain killer shots give you the same short term healing effects that he has in the comics. It's smart, it's the right thing to do, and it's not on the NFL's restricted performance enhancers yet so you might as well get while the gettings good.
Weird Science.
HB
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I look forward to these daily, lately.
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Justin Blackmon WR OkState
Holy Fuck Dude, You Confuse Me!
Seriously every day I change my mind about you. I'm not one of those people who say we can't take a WR early because we passed on Jones last year. I don't think your much of a step down from Jones. But then I don't see how we can take you where AJ Green was taken last year when I am certain your not as good as Green.
I can't say I would be mad to have you at #4 though. You were super productive in college and the worst parts of your game are still solid. But I want you to be taller, I want you to be faster. Why can't you do that for me? Hey don't bitch at me for asking, I just told Richardson to develop super powers, I'm just asking you to grow 2 inches and shave hundredths of a second off your 40!
You got the reach, the route running, and the hands to make any GM wet in the pants but you still leave so many questions. How well will you transfer from a spread to a pro system? How good will you be at getting separation at the next level? What the fuck is wrong with your teeth? The last question perplexes me the most! Seriously I can't tell if you have braces, a grill, or if your uncle was Jaws from 007.
I got to say though I can't help but feel that your going to be the pick for one reason. Heckert has never drafted someone in the 1st round that I was overly excited about. He never picked the flashy player that I was hoping we would get, it has always been someone that I had real doubts about going into the season. But hey his first round picks have worked out so far. Maybe if he drafts you his magic first round pick powers will make sure your a decent player in the NFL.
Get money get paid.
HB
Justin Blackmon WR OkState
Holy Fuck Dude, You Confuse Me!
Seriously every day I change my mind about you. I'm not one of those people who say we can't take a WR early because we passed on Jones last year. I don't think your much of a step down from Jones. But then I don't see how we can take you where AJ Green was taken last year when I am certain your not as good as Green.
I can't say I would be mad to have you at #4 though. You were super productive in college and the worst parts of your game are still solid. But I want you to be taller, I want you to be faster. Why can't you do that for me? Hey don't bitch at me for asking, I just told Richardson to develop super powers, I'm just asking you to grow 2 inches and shave hundredths of a second off your 40!
You got the reach, the route running, and the hands to make any GM wet in the pants but you still leave so many questions. How well will you transfer from a spread to a pro system? How good will you be at getting separation at the next level? What the fuck is wrong with your teeth? The last question perplexes me the most! Seriously I can't tell if you have braces, a grill, or if your uncle was Jaws from 007.
I got to say though I can't help but feel that your going to be the pick for one reason. Heckert has never drafted someone in the 1st round that I was overly excited about. He never picked the flashy player that I was hoping we would get, it has always been someone that I had real doubts about going into the season. But hey his first round picks have worked out so far. Maybe if he drafts you his magic first round pick powers will make sure your a decent player in the NFL.
Get money get paid.
HB
OK, I'll just say this- I've been slamming on Richardson for at least a month about his lack of an afterburner gear- the same could be said about Blackmon. However, someone else wasn't particularly tall, or particularly fast. Hint: he happens to hold every career WR record worth mentioning.
BTW, FYI I checked- @ 6'1" "Mr. Stubby" is as tall, or taller than 9 of the 15 guys in the top 15 in career receptions- and I'm not counting Gonzalez because he's a TE.
Guys like Randy Moss and Megatron are the exceptions, not the rule.
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Mike Adams T OSU
Damn Dude...
Your eyes are bloodshot as all hell. You have to lay off the sitcky icky or at least get me your hook up. Come on man be a good host and pass the bud.
I just don't know how you fuck up as badly as you have. Honest to god I feel like you had to put effort in how bad you fucked up. You had so much promise coming out of highschool as one of the top tackle prospects and now your sitting under a poster of Bob Marley while you try to get every last bit of skin crumbs out of the bottom of your tub of Popeye's Chicken. By the way where did you get the chicken... the air in here is kind of thick... I'll be right back.
(Comes back with a salad bowl full of cereal)
Fuck ya dude I mixed your Reese Puffs with your Trix. I'm smart like that. Unlike you. How the fuk do you show up at the combine, fail your drug test, and only put up 19 on the bench press. People we saying you were going to break the 40 barrier and you only put up 19! Fuck Jenkins performed better than you and he was just as high AND has to take care of his 12 fucking kids. Do you guys form some kind of club. The I don't give a fucks lets get high.
Did they even test you. Damn you eyes are redder than the scarlet on the jersey you wore for 7 games last season. Ha you thought I was going to let that one go? Fuck no! Lets Re...
(Comes back with a peanut butter petta filled with marshmellow fluff and trix cereal)
Sorry I'm really hungry for some reason. Let's recap. You got suspended for 5 games due to being a dumb ass. You and others got your coach fired cause he tried to hide your mistake. You went from a top 15 pick to a late 1st. Then you under perform when they finally let you start playing against. Everyone ignores it and your fine. You really need to out do yourself to secure your 1st round pick status and possible move up higher, but you cap that shit off by smoking within a month of the combine, and seeing your eyes I am assuming the night before or the car ride over, and only put up a weak ass 19. Hoping the Jets get you so you can get that sweat Holmes bud or the Ram since Simpson carries in bulk?
Cool Runnin's Man.
HB
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