The Renaissance
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So there's the Drive, the Fumble, Red Right 88, the Sweep, Jordan over Elho, Jose Mesa, and the Decision. It's time to add another page to the book of Cleveland lore.As the new owner of the Cleveland Browns, my first order of business is to take Mike Holmgren to trial. At trial, he will be found guilty and sentenced to be tarred and feathered in the muni lots during a December tailgate. Shortly thereafter, we will drop him in the frigid waters of the lake, so he can be with his walrus family.Next, Michael Lombardi will be displayed at the 50 yard line and be forced to read his draft history to all in attendance, and the millions of viewers watching us play the Raiders on Sunday Night Football. As he reads off Jamarcus Russel's name, berserker Raiders fans charge the field and literally tear him to pieces. The crowd goes wild.Joe Banner will be stripped naked and forced to march from the stadium through the streets of the city. Down E. 9th, children will throw pies and tomatoes at him, the entirety of St. Clair will be turned into a firewalk, filled with burning coals. As he approaches the flats, waiting for him will be a stretcher, like in Braveheart. Except instead of having horses pull the machine, the ropes are given to incensed fans. Defiantly silent, he is stretched until he cracks; his screams begin a citywide, free concert headlined by Bone Thugs n Harmony and Nine Inch Nails. It will be remembered as the greatest concert since Metallica rocked the USSR.I will spend 1 billion dollars on a lawyer who ensures that Jimmy Haslam will go to prison. This lawyer also manages to convince Goodell to implement cap restrictions on every other team for 3 years as a punishment for the owners all vouching for the credibility of JH3.Finally, through billions of dollars of research, we have unlocked the key to immortality and reanimation. Art Modell will be the first and only patient. At halftime of the Browns-Lions Super Bowl (hosted by Cleveland), he will be brought back to life through the power of science. His brief existence will come to an end as he is impaled upon the top of the Rock Hall. His black heart will be fed to the Dawg Pound, and the Golden Age of Football begins.
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You have been watching too many graphic video games I'm afraid.
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football smarts wanted.....
franchises available
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