The Red Rifle shoots blanks
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Marvin isn't going anywhere, neither is Dalton.
Seems like 90% of Bungle fans want both their heads, Mike Brown won't do it though because:
1.) The argument can go either way, for or against
2.) He isn't very expensive
3.) He's had a consistently competitive team that has made the playoffs 4 times in a row now
4.) Every year there's injuries, but this year the Bengals were hit particularly hard
Don't get me wrong, I don't think Marvin's the guy - but he has done some good things, seems to be a good talent evaluator if nothing else.
I think what was their best option at HC is currently the head coach of the Vikings...
-
reminds me of this epic rant....
11/19/11 from our fearless leader Zombo...
I haven't really gotten a chance to post my comments on last week's game because I've had to travel back, catch up with work, get over a hangover, get over a nasty cold, and, quite frankly, I couldn't put it into the proper words. I think I have found the words:
You fucking douchebag motherfucking cock suckers. How many Fucking times do I have to fucking fly to fucking Cleveland only to watch my favortite fucking team roll over like a bunch of mother fucking fems? Jeezus Fucking Kayrice how hard is it to score a fucking touchdown on the motherfucking St. Louis Rams? You've got a first down inside the fucking red zone and five and a fucking half minutes to go, down by two fucking points, and you run the fucking ball six mother fucking times? After you got downfield by passing the fucking ball? When you have a QB that rarely gets picked off and is having an accurate day on his home fucking field?
Well, maybe that's because we've got Jim Fucking Brown in the fucking backfield? No? What's that? We've got two motherfuckers who weren't even on a motherfucking NFL roster before the season? Well, then, here's a fucking idea: Instead of fucking throwing the fucking ball in the fucking end zone, why don't you fucking hand off to a fucking 3rd string fucking tight end who hasn't even PRACTICED taking a fucking hand off since he was in grade fucking school??? At least fucking admit after the fucking game that you fucking THOUGHT the fullback was in there when you called the fucking play, even though he got fucking injured right before your fucking eyes two plays earlier. And god forbid you give your fucking quarterback the fucking authortiy to change a fucking play when he gets a fucking playcall from the fucking sidelines telling him to hand off to the fucking tight end up the fucking middle on second and fucking goal from the fucking NINE! Worst fucking call in fucking history and no one had the fucking balls, or fucking guts, to fucking change it.
So I'm sitting there with my buddy Mark, who left his wife and two young boys in San Di Fucking ego to spend over a thousand fucking dollars traveling to Fucking Cleveland in Fucking November so that he can see his fucking boyhood favorite fucking team win a fucking football game in their own fucking stadium against a fucking 1-7 shitass Rams team. He didn't even look up his relatives he fucking came just to see his fellow fucking Browns fans and watch his fucking football team finally win a fucking game for him, since it had been ten fucking years since he actually saw them win on their own fucking field. Next to him is my buddy Keith, who flew from FUCKING SCOTLAND to watch the fucking Browns and hope they fucking win a game for him since he spends his fucking vacation coming to Cleveland to watch a Browns game every fucking year and thought it would be fucking nice if they actually fucking won at their home fucking field one fucking time. Behind me is a nice family rooting hard for the fucking Browns and sitting all together and screaming their fucking lungs out the whole fucking game so that they may also actually see a fucking win over a fucking pathetic piece of shit team. One of them is a young man that served TWO FUCKING TOURS OF DUTY IN FUCKING IRAQ and he wouldn't mind seeing the home fucking team beat the 1-7 fucking Tomato Cans for a fucking change. I mean, he put his fucking life on the fucking line for the country, and we don't have the fucking balls to throw one fucking pass toward the fucking end zone for him?
So we are fucking standing there in the fucking end zone fucking seating, just over the fucking visitors ramp with a perfect fucking view of the big, wide-fucking-open end zone. It is thirty feet fucking deep and 160 fucking feet fucking wide, and, with the invention of the forward fucking pass a fucking century ago, the fucking idea would be to fucking isolate one fucking trained fucking receiver and throw him the fucking ball which he has been practicing fucking catching for 20 fucking years (as opposed to fucking handing off to a fucking 270 lb oaf who hasn't seen a fucking handoff since he fucking played in his parents back yard twenty fucking years ago). Every fucking play there is a fucking receiver isolated at our end of the field. The fucking Rams are expecting us to fucking run at them. I say to Mark, "look Evan Moore is going to get the fucking ball right in front of us!" Fucking handoff. I say to Mark, "look Josh Cribbs is going to get the fucking ball right in front of us!" Fucking handoff. I say to Mark, "look Greg Little is going to get the fucking ball right in front of us!" Fucking handoff. YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. Not one chance at the mother fucking end zone? It's RIGHT THERE. It's HUGE. We've got one-on-one coverage with the fucking Rams fourth string fucking corner. SIX MOTHERFUCKING HANDOFFS IN A ROW?
Well, after all that, all we fucking want is a fucking win. We don't care how fucking ugly or under-coached it is. I have been to this fucking stadium maybe a dozen fucking times since I last saw the fucking Browns win there in fucking 2000, which was the ONLY fucking time I have seen them fucking win IN THEIR OWN FUCKING STADIUM. Sure, I've seen them win in both fucking Jacksonville and fucking Miami since then, but would you FUCKING MIND WINNING A FUCKING GAME IN CLEVELAND FUCKING BROWN STADIUM for me ... and Mark ... and Keith ... and the nice family ... and the Vets ... and the 80,000 fucking people who are paying their hard-earned fucking money to see you beat the gawd-awful fucking Rams?? I even had Season Fucking Tickets, even though I live 1,300 fucking miles away, from 2001 to 2007 and NOT ONCE did I ever fucking see the fucking Cleveland Browns win a fucking football game in Cleveland Fucking Brown Stadium, even though I came up once or twice a year each time.
So, luckily, there are two fucking things a Browns fan can fucking count on: long-snapper fucking Bryan Pointbriand and kicker fucking Phil Dawson. Those fuckers are tried and true each and every fucking season while the rest of the fucking team fucking starts over every fucking year. If there is one fucking thing we can fucking do, it is snap a fucking football and fucking kick it through the fucking uprights. And our fucking defense is holding the fucking Rams pretty well, so we will take the the gimme fucking chip shot field goal and if we can keep the fucking Rams out of fucking field goal range for two fucking minutes we will finally win a fucking home fucking game that I fucking paid dearly to see.
Yet ... knowing those fucking guys are automatic, and this was a fucking "chippie" ... I still fucking found myself mouthing a "Hail Mary" to myself as the Browns set up for that fucking field goal, because I had fucking seen too many things. We all had fucken seen too many fucken things. As if she cared. She's got starving children and fucking pedophiles running around, why pray about football? Because it's THE CLEVELAND FUCKING BROWNS and EVERY FUCKING WEEK I TELL EVERYBODY HOW FUCKING PROUD I AM TO BE A CLEVELAND FUCKING BROWNS FAN and COULD THEY JUST FUCKING ONCE, MOTHERFUCKING ONCE, PUT SOMEBODY THE FUCK AWAY IN FRONT OF MY OWN FUCKING EYES??
Selfish, I know. That's the thought I had as I watched in unspeakable fucking horror as the ball slowly fucking dribbled back to poor fucking Maynard, the fucking holder. He did his fucking best to get it fucking upright but by then the fucking enemy was breaking through and fucking Phil's timing was off. But still ... I hear a "BOOM" ... Fucking Phil blasts the ball, we all look over, there is a brief cheer .. followed by the biggest, longest, saddest, motherfucking groan you will ever fucking hear.
Not fucking again.
Fuck no, Fuck no, Fuck no!
They couldn't FUCKING EXECUTE A FUCKING GAWD DAMN FUCKING FIELD GOAL FROM THE FUCKING FIVE YARD LINE? A Field Goal that they just spent three FUCKING MINUTES SETTING UP BY RUNNING STRAIGHT FUCKING INTO THE LINE SIX FUCKING TIMES WITH FUCKING TIGHT ENDS AND FUCKING ARENA LEAGUE BACKS? A field goal that was so FUCKING IMPORTANT THAT THEY COULDN'T FUCKING RISK THROWING ONE FUCKING PASS INTO THAT BIG FUCKING WIDE FUCKING OPEN END ZONE GUARDED BY FOURTH FUCKING STRING FUCKING RAMS CORNERFUCKINGBACKS? They couldn't execute THAT fucking field goal????
What the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK?????????????????????????????!!!
Seriously ... what the Fuck?
Zombo
--Total Trap Game for the Jaguars this week, though.
Now that was the most epic rant I have ever read or heard in my life dude. Much better than stoned's rants because zombo is actually coherent.reminds me of this epic rant....
11/19/11 from our fearless leader Zombo...
I haven't really gotten a chance to post my comments on last week's game because I've had to travel back, catch up with work, get over a hangover, get over a nasty cold, and, quite frankly, I couldn't put it into the proper words. I think I have found the words:
You fucking douchebag motherfucking cock suckers. How many Fucking times do I have to fucking fly to fucking Cleveland only to watch my favortite fucking team roll over like a bunch of mother fucking fems? Jeezus Fucking Kayrice how hard is it to score a fucking touchdown on the motherfucking St. Louis Rams? You've got a first down inside the fucking red zone and five and a fucking half minutes to go, down by two fucking points, and you run the fucking ball six mother fucking times? After you got downfield by passing the fucking ball? When you have a QB that rarely gets picked off and is having an accurate day on his home fucking field?
Well, maybe that's because we've got Jim Fucking Brown in the fucking backfield? No? What's that? We've got two motherfuckers who weren't even on a motherfucking NFL roster before the season? Well, then, here's a fucking idea: Instead of fucking throwing the fucking ball in the fucking end zone, why don't you fucking hand off to a fucking 3rd string fucking tight end who hasn't even PRACTICED taking a fucking hand off since he was in grade fucking school??? At least fucking admit after the fucking game that you fucking THOUGHT the fullback was in there when you called the fucking play, even though he got fucking injured right before your fucking eyes two plays earlier. And god forbid you give your fucking quarterback the fucking authortiy to change a fucking play when he gets a fucking playcall from the fucking sidelines telling him to hand off to the fucking tight end up the fucking middle on second and fucking goal from the fucking NINE! Worst fucking call in fucking history and no one had the fucking balls, or fucking guts, to fucking change it.
So I'm sitting there with my buddy Mark, who left his wife and two young boys in San Di Fucking ego to spend over a thousand fucking dollars traveling to Fucking Cleveland in Fucking November so that he can see his fucking boyhood favorite fucking team win a fucking football game in their own fucking stadium against a fucking 1-7 shitass Rams team. He didn't even look up his relatives he fucking came just to see his fellow fucking Browns fans and watch his fucking football team finally win a fucking game for him, since it had been ten fucking years since he actually saw them win on their own fucking field. Next to him is my buddy Keith, who flew from FUCKING SCOTLAND to watch the fucking Browns and hope they fucking win a game for him since he spends his fucking vacation coming to Cleveland to watch a Browns game every fucking year and thought it would be fucking nice if they actually fucking won at their home fucking field one fucking time. Behind me is a nice family rooting hard for the fucking Browns and sitting all together and screaming their fucking lungs out the whole fucking game so that they may also actually see a fucking win over a fucking pathetic piece of shit team. One of them is a young man that served TWO FUCKING TOURS OF DUTY IN FUCKING IRAQ and he wouldn't mind seeing the home fucking team beat the 1-7 fucking Tomato Cans for a fucking change. I mean, he put his fucking life on the fucking line for the country, and we don't have the fucking balls to throw one fucking pass toward the fucking end zone for him?
So we are fucking standing there in the fucking end zone fucking seating, just over the fucking visitors ramp with a perfect fucking view of the big, wide-fucking-open end zone. It is thirty feet fucking deep and 160 fucking feet fucking wide, and, with the invention of the forward fucking pass a fucking century ago, the fucking idea would be to fucking isolate one fucking trained fucking receiver and throw him the fucking ball which he has been practicing fucking catching for 20 fucking years (as opposed to fucking handing off to a fucking 270 lb oaf who hasn't seen a fucking handoff since he fucking played in his parents back yard twenty fucking years ago). Every fucking play there is a fucking receiver isolated at our end of the field. The fucking Rams are expecting us to fucking run at them. I say to Mark, "look Evan Moore is going to get the fucking ball right in front of us!" Fucking handoff. I say to Mark, "look Josh Cribbs is going to get the fucking ball right in front of us!" Fucking handoff. I say to Mark, "look Greg Little is going to get the fucking ball right in front of us!" Fucking handoff. YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. Not one chance at the mother fucking end zone? It's RIGHT THERE. It's HUGE. We've got one-on-one coverage with the fucking Rams fourth string fucking corner. SIX MOTHERFUCKING HANDOFFS IN A ROW?
Well, after all that, all we fucking want is a fucking win. We don't care how fucking ugly or under-coached it is. I have been to this fucking stadium maybe a dozen fucking times since I last saw the fucking Browns win there in fucking 2000, which was the ONLY fucking time I have seen them fucking win IN THEIR OWN FUCKING STADIUM. Sure, I've seen them win in both fucking Jacksonville and fucking Miami since then, but would you FUCKING MIND WINNING A FUCKING GAME IN CLEVELAND FUCKING BROWN STADIUM for me ... and Mark ... and Keith ... and the nice family ... and the Vets ... and the 80,000 fucking people who are paying their hard-earned fucking money to see you beat the gawd-awful fucking Rams?? I even had Season Fucking Tickets, even though I live 1,300 fucking miles away, from 2001 to 2007 and NOT ONCE did I ever fucking see the fucking Cleveland Browns win a fucking football game in Cleveland Fucking Brown Stadium, even though I came up once or twice a year each time.
So, luckily, there are two fucking things a Browns fan can fucking count on: long-snapper fucking Bryan Pointbriand and kicker fucking Phil Dawson. Those fuckers are tried and true each and every fucking season while the rest of the fucking team fucking starts over every fucking year. If there is one fucking thing we can fucking do, it is snap a fucking football and fucking kick it through the fucking uprights. And our fucking defense is holding the fucking Rams pretty well, so we will take the the gimme fucking chip shot field goal and if we can keep the fucking Rams out of fucking field goal range for two fucking minutes we will finally win a fucking home fucking game that I fucking paid dearly to see.
Yet ... knowing those fucking guys are automatic, and this was a fucking "chippie" ... I still fucking found myself mouthing a "Hail Mary" to myself as the Browns set up for that fucking field goal, because I had fucking seen too many things. We all had fucken seen too many fucken things. As if she cared. She's got starving children and fucking pedophiles running around, why pray about football? Because it's THE CLEVELAND FUCKING BROWNS and EVERY FUCKING WEEK I TELL EVERYBODY HOW FUCKING PROUD I AM TO BE A CLEVELAND FUCKING BROWNS FAN and COULD THEY JUST FUCKING ONCE, MOTHERFUCKING ONCE, PUT SOMEBODY THE FUCK AWAY IN FRONT OF MY OWN FUCKING EYES??
Selfish, I know. That's the thought I had as I watched in unspeakable fucking horror as the ball slowly fucking dribbled back to poor fucking Maynard, the fucking holder. He did his fucking best to get it fucking upright but by then the fucking enemy was breaking through and fucking Phil's timing was off. But still ... I hear a "BOOM" ... Fucking Phil blasts the ball, we all look over, there is a brief cheer .. followed by the biggest, longest, saddest, motherfucking groan you will ever fucking hear.
Not fucking again.
Fuck no, Fuck no, Fuck no!
They couldn't FUCKING EXECUTE A FUCKING GAWD DAMN FUCKING FIELD GOAL FROM THE FUCKING FIVE YARD LINE? A Field Goal that they just spent three FUCKING MINUTES SETTING UP BY RUNNING STRAIGHT FUCKING INTO THE LINE SIX FUCKING TIMES WITH FUCKING TIGHT ENDS AND FUCKING ARENA LEAGUE BACKS? A field goal that was so FUCKING IMPORTANT THAT THEY COULDN'T FUCKING RISK THROWING ONE FUCKING PASS INTO THAT BIG FUCKING WIDE FUCKING OPEN END ZONE GUARDED BY FOURTH FUCKING STRING FUCKING RAMS CORNERFUCKINGBACKS? They couldn't execute THAT fucking field goal????
What the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK?????????????????????????????!!!
Seriously ... what the Fuck?
Zombo
--Total Trap Game for the Jaguars this week, though.
I now officially have another level of respect for you zombo. That was just fucking sweet man it made me fuckkng remember how fucking horrible and fucking frustrating the Brown's fucking were before Pettine fucking got here this year and whipped these mother fuckers into a respectable fucking resemblance of a professional fucking football team!
Cheers,
Gunner
-
Marvin isn't going anywhere, neither is Dalton.
Seems like 90% of Bungle fans want both their heads, Mike Brown won't do it though because:
1.) The argument can go either way, for or against
2.) He isn't very expensive
3.) He's had a consistently competitive team that has made the playoffs 4 times in a row now
4.) Every year there's injuries, but this year the Bengals were hit particularly hard
Don't get me wrong, I don't think Marvin's the guy - but he has done some good things, seems to be a good talent evaluator if nothing else.
I think what was their best option at HC is currently the head coach of the Vikings...
Marvin isn't going anywhere, neither is Dalton.
Seems like 90% of Bungle fans want both their heads, Mike Brown won't do it though because:
1.) The argument can go either way, for or against
2.) He isn't very expensive
3.) He's had a consistently competitive team that has made the playoffs 4 times in a row now
4.) Every year there's injuries, but this year the Bengals were hit particularly hard
Don't get me wrong, I don't think Marvin's the guy - but he has done some good things, seems to be a good talent evaluator if nothing else.
I think what was their best option at HC is currently the head coach of the Vikings...
The way I lean as well except possibly thinking Gruden the Younger over Zimmer.
But Dalton is fools gold... although "fools copper" might be more appropriate... and it seems like AJG is hurt every year.
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@junkyard-dawg said:
Dalton is solid, could be above average with a WCO scheme, a run game and more than one receiving threat. He's NOT their problem just like Carson Palmer wasn't the problem. Marvin Lewis is the problem down there, he's a piss poor Tony Dungy that can get you to the playoffs but can't win in the playoffs. That and the fact AJ Green and Andy Dalton, just like Palmer/Chad Johnson are expected to carry the whole load on their own because the owner refuses to pay more than two or three top tier players at a time.
Blame Mike Brown and Marvin Lewis, Dalton however is aces and doing the best he can surrounded by garbage at most positions.
That's the problem right now- Dalton isn't "above average". If you were watching the Colts playoff game, any comparison of Andy to Andrew Luck is laughable- but Dalton (at least for 2015) is pulling down top qb money. Really- he's not that accurate- at least when he's "off"- and that's a frequent occurrence with the Red Rifle. He stunk against the Browns on Thursday night. FWIW, he really didn't play all that much better than Manziel in Cleveland- 14\24, 117 yards, no tds, and a 53 qbr. Any stiff qb can look great handing off to running backs averaging 5-7 yards a crack against a swiss cheese defense.
MHO is Dalton is comparable to Brian Hoyer- except slightly more accurate, with a marginally better arm. Andy proved once again- when the Bright Lights come on- he can't rise to the occasion. 2-10 says it all.
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I can not in good conscience root for the bungles ever so I was gladdened to see them and the stoolers depart so quickly.
I can not in good conscience root for the bungles ever so I was gladdened to see them and the stoolers depart so quickly.
Its just too bad that we could not have all three other AFCN teams join The Departed.
-
Next week gip, next week.
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@junkyard-dawg said:
1) Bungles are on OC #3 under Lewis yet their Offense has barely changed. Two different QB's under Center have been Mediocre. It's not the QB's, it's the scheme and talent surrounding the QB's, hence Palmer being Mr. Mediocre until he went to AZ. Dalton is stuck in the same trap. Even still he's carried a perennially shit franchise to the Playoffs four years in a row.
2) Marvin Lewis has proven once again- When the Bright Lights come on- He chokes his ass off while his QB's shoulder the blame. 0-6 says more than the ESPN derived Dalton hate.
Really? He has AJ Green, Gresham, and a 1,000 yard rusher in Hill. Sanu is hardly a stiff. Gets Eifert back next year too. Withworth is borderline pro bowl. He has plenty of surrounding talent. I'd gladly put any on those guys on the Browns.
I won't disagree if you want to call Marvin Lewis a bum- but he's not the guy calling the plays.
Finally- Palmer mediocre in Bungle land? You're nuts. He put up some pro bowl numbers for 3 seasons with the Bungles, and they possibly would have made the Super Bowl one year if Squealer Von Cheapshotten hadn't taken out his knee.
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Here is the bottom line on Dalton: While he has lost in the first round of the playoffs 4 years in a row, he has at least gotten that team to the playoffs 4 years in a row (which is a damn sight better than any Browns QB/Coach has done).
And while I agree that I would list about in the middle of all NFL starting QBs.......what are you going to get if you try to replace him? No seemingly sure fire QB would be available to them in the draft. The free agent QB class is sucko....hell, Brian Hoyer is probably the best available.
So Bengal fans are stuck with Dalton. Either Dalton has to have a breakthrough or that team will have to go backwards to get better.
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