Happy Friday
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I put this in here as it is a political joke....just feel like lightening it up a bit....any jokes will do
President Obama recently visited Arkansas. As he was approaching Air Force 1, the marine standing at the door noticed the President was carrying 2 hogs, and said "Those are nice hogs, Mr. President.".
The President replied " Thank you, but they are not hogs, they are Arkansas Razorbacks. I got one for Nancy Pelosi, and one for Harry Reid".
The marine salutes the President and says "Excellent trade, sir."
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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks, Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man, “Whose clock is that?”
“That’s Billy Graham’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man, “And whose clock is that one?” St. Peter responded, “Thatâ€
s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life.”“Where’s Hillary Clinton’s clock?” asked the man.
“Hillary’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
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THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by Surpreme Court Justice Nominee Sotomayor, who told him she was lost.. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The nominee suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
Sotomayor looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me, and I'm Hispanic so I know better than white men.... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
She replies:
'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
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>Cant figure out hgow to post a photo of Michelle smiling for a photo for a ragged fellow.<
Recently,Michelle Obama served food to the homeless at a government-funded soup kitchen.
Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter--- $0.00
Having Michelle Obama serve your soup--- $0.00
A homeless person taking a picture of the first lady, using his $500 Blackberry cell phone----
Priceless !
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@danamal said:
Recently,Michelle Obama served food to the homeless at a government-funded soup kitchen.Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter--- $0.00
Having Michelle Obama serve your soup--- $0.00
A homeless person taking a picture of the first lady, using his $500 Blackberry cell phone----
Priceless !
See what I mean?
Just kidding......
Can't get the photo to show....
WSS
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It's Friday......
My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ”Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….
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