WOOF WOOF

kshutchins

Ah, it wouldn't be Browns Board Fantasy Football without Rich4Eagle's good-natured grumbling about the draft order and this season he did not disappoint. Once again the random draw of Yahoo Fantasy Sports smiled upon the commissioner of Beanpot's League and gave him an early draft position. Though this appears to be an advantage, many fantasy geeks would argue that a mid-draft slot is more desirable because it gives the team manager more top 100 picks than those folks drafting earlier. You do the math. I've mentioned this before and I'd love to hear comments from teams who've had experience drafting in various spots.

Welcome to the 2010 Fantasy Football Follies, the weekly report covering Browns Board fantasy football! Since I am in two leagues, I'll be reporting on those: Beanpot's League (browns board) and Oreo's League (browns board 2). Our own Cowsrus will be providing the Heidi Report (browns board 3), and Zombo's Zingers (browns board 4) will be delivered by youknowwho.

During one of the first seasons of my writing these capsules, Yahoo provided a weekly Viagra Award for high scoring teams. Even though Yahoo has abandoned this practice, we've continued the tradition. It's usually a bloody battle to secure the little blue pill and even the girls are contenders (they sometimes have to "encourage" the men in their lives) though what Oreo (my cat) does with her winnings when she snags the award is still a mystery.

This year the "Greatest Fantasy Victor" award for the team winning by "the team that defeated their opponent by the largest margin each week" is officially sponsored by Toyota, best known recently for their interesting handling of the Prius problems. This made it all the more amusing that the teams first named as "winners" of this award were wrong and had to be changed.

Let's get to it!:

Beanpot's League:

T's Jelly Donuts, John G's Usual Suspects and Rich's Ballantyne Buckeyes have all been busily stocking the waiver wire with their rejected players.

The Donuts, sniffing for their first win, didn't find it. Talkin' trash early in the week, T jabbed at opponent Zombo, "Expect to get the dirty Sanchez tonight. Can you smell it?" QB Sanchez delivered 1 (one) point while Shonn Greene and Jonathan Stewart "contributed" exactly zero giving the win to Zombo's Wild Dawgs. It appears Zombo used the power of the Z to exact victory. It's been reported that Zombo was observed gazing intently at his computer monitor a la "Men Who Stare at Goats," thus causing zeros to appear in his opponent's score column. We'll be watching for the power of the Z throughout the season. T's 43; Z's 62.

NavDawg's Browns had an outing as disappointing as our Cleveland Browns. Thomas Jones (2) and Ryan Succup (3) bore primary responsibility for the failure, landing Succup on the waiver wire. NavDawg's management is hoping that Neil Rackers will provide veteran leadership to get his Browns on track. Greenville Mayhem 97; NavDawg's Browns 70

13 was definitely not a lucky number for Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi. 13 points each from runningbacks Jamaal Charles and Ronnie Brown may inspire triskaidekaphobia in Chainsaw's management. Opponent Insert Clever Name managed a win with 26 (2 x 13) points from Peyton Manning. Chainsaw 84; Insert Clever Name 110.

"The Usual Suspects just smacked my team off the field. CRAP." Calfox roared with laughter after his KosarDawgs failed to post a single double-digit score. The Usual Suspects notched 25 from Miles Austin and 24 from Wes Welker for the win. Usual Suspects 87; Calfox KosarDawgs 44.

As of Tuesday night, Mark's team, Dot the I, was the declared winner of the Toyota Fantasy Victor award, having defeated the almost-all-Green Bay squad of Huskymania by a score of 102-66. By Wednesday morning, Beanpot had been rightfully declared the ACTUAL winner of the award. Arian Foster (34), Tom Brady (23) and Chris Johnson (25) pushed Beans to victory 111-58 over Rich's Ballantyne Buckeyes. (For the mathematically challenged, that's a margin of 53 points.) Confidential to Rich: That's what you get for drafting Cinci's defense (-1)! Beanpot also snagged the Viagra trophy and was rendered speechless by the abundance of accolades.

Oreo's League:

Ballpeen's Choo Choo's were chosen "Greatest Fantasy Victor, winning over Kamac19 by virtue of their 106-100 victory. (huh?) Then someone gave Toyota (or Yahoo) a math lesson, lots of people complained, or some geek fixed/updated the software and Beanpot was (again) given the Toyota prize for his team's obliteration of Ben There Raped That by a score of 101-62.

Kentucky Barn Burner spoiled Beans' chances for a trophy sweep by snagging the Viagra award, also spoiling the season opener for Bronx Browns 104-72.

The DD's worked their magic by matching the score: DD's 64; The Hammer 64 for the first tie of the season. The Hammer is no doubt unhappy with the double zip from Kevin Kolb and Beanie Wells who cost him a 'W.' Ties always make the standings interesting as the season progresses.

The hapless duo of Shonn Greene (zip) and Jonathan Stewart (nada) handed a loss to hammertime. Lambdo's Air Show 6 experienced the exhilarating thrill of liftoff. Air Show 75; hammertime 59.

Oreo's Team slapped dirty hands 75-63. "Meow," was Oreo's smug response.

The Heidi Report:

Heidi Klum made a splash at New York Fashion Week by showing up at three events: Wednesday's City magazine cocktail party, Thursday's Project Runway fashion ... Oh wait... you wanted to read about football....

My Helmet's 2Tight 76 - Brownies 75

My Helmet's 2Tight somehow managed to squeeze out a 1 point win in this first week.

RB Reggie Bush had 14 yards on two carries and caught five passes for 33 yards with a long of 19 against the Vikings. He also returned three punts for 7 yards. Top scores this week go to QB Phillip Rivers 17 pts., K Mason Crosby 12.

Brownies did fairly well this week. Avid Best did his best this week and was given kudos by the coach for picking up blitzes but his offense is going to get back into his pre-season form. Top scorers: RB Jahvid Best 19 & Donald Driver 13

RunninUover 82, stewartcj1 45

RunninUover did just that in his first game of the season. RunninUover's win came with the help of WR Roddy White, he was targeted on 23 of the Falcon's 44 attempted passes and had a career high 13 receptions for 11 yds.

Lead scorers: WR Roddy White 20 & QB Carson Palmer 16

Stewartcj1 got off to a rough start to the season. WR Terrell Owens managed to give him 10 points with 7 catches for 53 yards.

Lead scorers: Terrell Owens 10& Adrian Peterson 8

let's go browns 88, Cleveland Steamers 91

let's go browns lost Ryan Grant for the rest of the season in the home opener with a significant ankle injury. Chris Johnson on the other hand (who was the 2009 Offensive Player of the Year) rushed for 142 yards on 27 carries and two touchdowns and added four receptions for eight yards. Lead scorers: Chris Johnson 25, & OB Eli Manning 17

The victor in this match up Cleveland Steamers got most of his points from but a few players but it was enough. WR Wes Welker tied a career high with a pair of touchdowns and had eight catches for 64 yards. Lead scorers: RB Arian Foster 34, & Wes Welker 24.

ImisstheKosarDays 111, Nw220 80

ImisstheKosarDays, ( 1-0-0) did pretty well for himself this week with the highest team score at 111. QB Tom Brady ended a wild week by throwing for 258 yards and three touchdowns. Plus he signed a 4 year extension in the same day as he was in a car accident. And word has it that RB Matt Forte who earned 30 pts. for Imiss, will be used as a receiver as well as a RB since he does equally well at both positions. Lead scorer: Matt Forte 30 & Miles Austin 25.

Nw220, (0-1-0) unfortunately came up short this week although QB Payton Manning did his part with 26 points. WR Jeremy Maclin caught four passes for 38 yards and a touchdown. Lead scorers: Payton Manning 26 & Jeremy Maclin 12.

why cant we win 85, fatherof3 98

why cant we win (0-1-0) may be asking himself that very question since he didn't win in his opening game. But on the bright side, TE Dallas Clark had 11 catches for 80 yards and a touchdown and is one of the favorite targets of a four-time MVP quarterback who attempted 57 passes in Indianapolis' season opener, so it's hard to ignore his value as one of the top tight ends in the fantasy world. Lead scorers: TE Dallas Clark 22 & WR Reggie Wayne 19.

A 13 point lead gave fatherof3 (1-0-0) his first W of the season. His points were spread out around his team with all players contributing something. WR Chad Ochocinco found time from his "reality show" to come back to reality to come up with 12 catches for 159 yards and a touchdown.

Lead scorers: WR Chad Ochocinco 28, Jay Cutler and Steve Smith both W/16.

Ballantyne Bruisers 99, Tecmo Bo 88

Ballantyne Bruisers ( 1-0-0) was the winner in this game. WR Hakeem Nicks' three-touchdown performance against Carolina represents half of the six touchdowns he was able to record as a rookie last season. Nicks caught four passes for 75 yards. Lead scorers: Hakeem Nicks, 27 & LeSean McCoy 16.

Tecmo Bo's (0-1-0) players spread the points around. Most with double digit points. RB Darren McFadden rushed for 95 yards on 18 carries and caught a team-high six passes for 55 yards and a touchdown. WR Greg Jennings led the receiving corps with five receptions for 82 yards, including a 32-yard touchdown. Lead scorers: Darren McFadden 21 & Greg Jennings 16.

Zombo's Zingers:

The TXChainsawMassaquoi's easily chopped up Zombo's MildDawgs 88-59 behind this Arian Foster guy, as Zombo got a grand total of two points from his starting wideouts.

The BigBadDawgs, led by their high-scorer Jahvid Best, stomped Calfox's little Kosar Pups 99-63.

In a low-scoring affair, it was Polk High relying on Reggie Wayne to win a 62-59 squeaker over Bermeck's KY Hicks who were left feeling Greene after Shonne left them a goose egg Monday night.

Mr. Freeze's Snowmen were the Viagra High Scorer's of the week by riding their trio of receivers to a 111-60 stomping of Jumping Jack Flash.

The Flea Flickers used Matt Forte's big day to deliver a Silver Bullet to the Werewolves of Linden, 105-85.

And, finally, Team InglewoodJack started off on the right side of the ledger by blasting the the Packer-laden Huskymania 102-60.

As always, comments are not only welcome, but are encouraged!

Poll results from the old forum

Best Team Name

Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi: 12 votes
Ben There Raped That: 17 votes
Werewolves of Linden: 3 votes

calfoxwc

I can't believe I only got 7 points out of Favre.... I LOVE these reports every week.

But if things don't improve next week, I'm going to start trading a lot. Well, I have to keep my

Browns players.... @@. Crap. What a double bad week... LOL.

Cowsrus

Zombo said:
As for the poll, I love the Massaquoi play on words ... but you can't beat, "Ben There Raped That".
Zombo

I did send my report in. I sent it about 1:30 Wednesday morning

Heidi

ATENEARS

@cowsrus said:
I did send my report in. I sent it about 1:30 Wednesday morning
Heidi

I come here just for the cat fight!

Cowsrus

Sometimes things get overlooked or I've even had things sent to my spam folder by mistake. I sent you another copy to be safe Kathy . I don't want league 3 to think I don't care. Let me know if it makes it there.

Heidi

The Gipper

Just out of curiosity, who or where or what is Linden? That's the one I voted for.

The Gipper

Zombo said:
I believe it's a neighborhood in Columbus.
It's also a city in New Jersey, but I'm guessing this is an Ohio Werewolf.

Zombo

I thought it was a tree as in "go bark up a tree".

Gips

I dunno if i should have voted on this as i have never played any fantasy football other than the madden games from the beginning(gonna have to learn about it and try it next year) i always considered it kind of kiddy and something only kids do..but i know better now...hehehehehe...lol

Anyways..

But i could not help but vote for: Ben There Raped That..

However i thought that Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi sounds awesome too...hehehehe

kshutchins

@cowsrus said:
Sometimes things get overlooked or I've even had things sent to my spam folder by mistake. I sent you another copy to be safe Kathy . I don't want league 3 to think I don't care. Let me know if it makes it there.
Heidi

Sorry, Heidi. I had looked in my spam folder but didn't find it. I finally located your response in a folder labeled, of all things, "Heidi." lolol. (Those Gmail filters are really efficient!). I'll know where to look next week.

My apologies to League 3 as well.

kshutchins

Zombo said:
Or perhaps Skippy was thinking something more like this:
Zombo

I love the expressions on the girls' faces at :57-:58. lolol. That really was pretty funny.

Cowsrus

@kshutchins said:
Sorry, Heidi. I had looked in my spam folder but didn't find it. I finally located your response in a folder labeled, of all things, "Heidi." lolol. (Those Gmail filters are really efficient!). I'll know where to look next week.
My apologies to League 3 as well.

That's okay Kathy, like I said, that stuff happens sometimes and it has happened to me more than once. Waiting on something and it doesn't show up only to find it hidden somewhere, ugh. In a folder labeled Heidi? I don't know whether to feel special or avoided . I glad you fouund it though, I appreciate it.

Heidi

kshutchins

@cowsrus said:
That's okay Kathy, like I said, that stuff happens sometimes and it has happened to me more than once. Waiting on something and it doesn't show up only to find it hidden somewhere, ugh. In a folder labeled Heidi? I don't know whether to feel special or avoided . I glad you fouund it though, I appreciate it.
Heidi

Definitely special. I got carried away with filters for a while. lol

why cant we win

Thanks Kathy i really enjoy reading these and i look forward to reading these after every week keep up the good work

admin 0

What a great asset to this forum ... Thanks to Kathy, Beans, Heidi, Zippy, Dency and all fanatsy coordinators. The games are fun, but these write-ups are what seperates TheBrownsBoard from the rest.

Good stuff, great reading.

rich4eagle

Pretty cool, great stuff, excellent job Kathy........hugs too y0u...

kshutchins

Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement. It's nice to know we're not talking to ourselves.

Mr. T

The Donuts, sniffing for their first win, didn't find it. Talkin' trash early in the week, T jabbed at opponent Zombo, "Expect to get the dirty Sanchez tonight. Can you smell it?" QB Sanchez delivered 1 (one) point while Shonn Greene and Jonathan Stewart "contributed" exactly zero giving the win to Zombo's Wild Dawgs. It appears Zombo used the power of the Z to exact victory. It's been reported that Zombo was observed gazing intently at his computer monitor a la "Men Who Stare at Goats," thus causing zeros to appear in his opponent's score column. We'll be watching for the power of the Z throughout the season. T's 43; Z's 62.

Zombo is also a Jedi! He wrote the book on "How To Be A Jedi Without Training".

Be aware that Zombo's Jedi's strengths that they flows from the force of the most serious mind.

rich4eagle

@kshutchins said:
Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement. It's nice to know we're not talking to ourselves.

Smooch you get a big kiss from me