Jell-O Wrestling Challenge
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If you're looking for the Jell-o wrestling challenge, you'll have to read a little further. Even if you're not a Fantasy Football Geek, take a stab at the challenge and stick around! You'll have plenty of opportunities to needle your fellow Browns fans as they flounder through the season. We will deliver virtual trophies and brickbats with relish, quote trash talk and incriminating verbiage from fantasy league postings, point Stadium Mustard stained fingers at boneheaded coaching and management moves, and shine a bright light on brilliant fantasy team performances. Your comments are not only welcomed but encouraged. Feel free to pile on!
Since this is the inaugural week of the Fantasy Football season I solemnly swear on my Browns Season Tickets that there will be some sort of summary appearing here every week. Unless I'm out of town. Or don't have time. Or illness prevents it. Or I'm too busy with work. Or something else comes up. Seriously, I don't think we've missed a week in the past few years because it's just too much fun poking fun at ourselves!
KSHutchins will be compiling reports for Browns Board (Beanpot's League) and Browns Board 2 (Oreo's Hangout). Cowsrus (aka Heidi), Zombo (The Great Zomboni) and the Hillis-iz-boss, Commish for League 5, will be summarizing their teams. We'll bestow the Viagra award for the stand up performance by high scorer in every league, the Most Massive Pasting award (replacing the Toyota Trophy) for the greatest margin of victory, the Squeaker of the Week award for the closest contest, and any other prize we can dream up for the glory of our participants.
Sit back, put your feet up and sip on your favorite beverage while you enjoy the first of many reports for this football season.
Beanpot's League:
Believeland and The Werewolves of Linden kicked off the season with 104 points each. Believeland tamed Zombo's WildDawgs 104-86 thanks to double digits from nearly every player, including Michael Vick (19). Woof. That hurts. Zombo is no doubt contacting law enforcement to determine if Vick has violated his parole by beating up on his WildDawgs.
The Werewolves bloodied Navdawg's Browns 104-87 with Aaron Rodgers (24) leading the fiends' charge. Anyone who wants to organize the Jell-o wrestling match to decide the Viagra trophy winner for the week should seek advice here first:
http://ask.metafilter.com/90087/How-do-I-properly-run-Jello-Wrestling. The challenge: A special virtual prize will be awarded for photos of the event either real or simulated. Entries not in good taste (no pun intended) will be disqualified.
Beanpot turned in an admirable performance barely missing a shot at the Jell-o wrestling challenge by scoring only 103 points. LeSean McCoy (23) and Chicago's DEF (24) helped demoralize the Ballantyne Buckeyes,103-73 giving Beans the "Most Massive Pasting" award. If Beans ever turns up at one of the Browns Board tailgates, y'all owe him a jello shot.
Greenville Mayhem subjected herself to the agonizingly painful loss in THE squeaker for the week by leaving 31 points on the bench. Not even superhero Tom Brady (32) could snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Dot the I grabbed the W, 73-71.
Recognition for moderately interesting performances not worthy of any particular recognition goes to:
Average Joes 103
Redneck Roosters 83
The Usual Suspects 80
TexasChainSawMassaquoi 83
Oreo's Hangout:
Usually this early in the season (game one) it makes no sense to list the standings. After all, half the teams have won 1 and the other half have lost one, so there's not much point. In this case, Oreo has decided to award last place to the Bronx Browns. The Bronx coaches managed to field a complete roster scoring the grand .... er, pathetic total of 21 points. Lambdo's Air Show easily floated to victory, 108-21, earning the Massive Pasting trophy.
Top cat and Viagra award winner for the week is The Hammer, who pounded the kidneys out of Beanpot, 117-66. Drew Brees (26), Reggie Wayne (20) and LeSean McCoy (23) were stand up guys for The Hammer. When your kicker is the high scorer on your team, you can probably figure you've had a bad week. High scorer for Beanpot: David Akers (15).
Kentucky BarnBurner's Mike Tolbert (32) helped declaw hammertime, 112-77.
Wes Welker (30) helped Gocong or Go Home send Choo Choo's packing.
Also playing this week:
Oreo's Team 79 (The fact that Rashard Mendenhall only scored 1 point this week made the loss easier to bear.)
DDs 82
Dirty Hands 107 (With the help of QB Ryan Fitzpatrick (28))
Kamac 91
The Heidi Report:
My Helmet's 2Tight 100 1-0-0
RunninUover 67 0-1-0
My Hemet's 2Tight top scorers: Aaron Rodgers 24, Reggie Wayne 20
RunninUover top scorers: Brandon Lloyd and Santana Moss both with 11
Brownies 94 0-1-0
Football is back 101 1-0-0
Brownies top scorers: Wes Welker 30, Matt Forte 21
Football is back top scorers: Drew Brees 26, Brandon Marshall 16
stewartcj1 83 1-0-0
Peyton'sPosse 62 0-1-0
stewartcj1 top scorers: Miles Austin 17, Beanie Wells 16
Peyton'sPosse top scorers: Michael Vick 19, Stevie Johnson 14
Ballantyne Bruisers: 100 1-0-0
Believeland Browns: 61 0-1-0
Ballantyne Bruisers top scorers: Calvin Johnson 23, Tony Romo 14
Believeland Browns top scorers: Ray Rice 25, Tim Hightower 14
fatherof3: 103 1-0-0
why cant we win: 96 0-1-0
fatherof3 top scorers: LeSean McCoy 23, Reggie Bush 20
why cant we win top scorers: Greg Jennings and DeSean Jackson both with 18
Cleveland Steamers 104 1-0-0
The Korky Butcheks 77 0-1-0
Cleveland Steamers top scorers: Matthew Stafford 22, Andre Johnson 19
The Korky Butcheks top scorers: Tom Brady 33, Jason Witten 13
League 3's Game Of The Week goes to Ballantyne Bruisers vs. Believeland Browns with Ballantyne winning with a + 33 points
Player Of The Week: Tom Brady who scored 33 points for The Korky Butcheks.
The Great Zomboni
The Great Zomboni's Real McCoys burst onto the scene and whipped Huskymania's dogs 113-99 behind Kenny Britt (26) Reggie Wayne (20) and one Jay Cutler, who for at least for one week, showed that the McCoys were not going to get penalized for autodrafting Peyton Manning.
It was a bad week for canines all around ad Cal Fox's Kosar Dawgs got eaten up by the Flea Flickers 116-73. Wes Walker's 99-yard TD was the icing on the cake for the Flickers as they earned the Viagra High Scorer of the Week Award.
More Pooches got pounded as The Big Bad Dawgs were torched by the Burning River 106-50 as Mike Tolbert exploded onto the scene from the utility back position, earning a whopping 32 for the River.
TexasChainsawMassaquois set Team Inglewood Jack off to a bad to a bad start as they easily held them off 101-78. Drew Brees (26) and Shady McCoy (23) led the Massaquois.
Bermeck's Kentucky Hicks started the season off right, as it was apparantly still too warm for Mr. Freeze's snowmen who fell to the Hicks 90-67. Tom Brady (32) turned this tight contest into a laugher on Monday Night.
Finally, let's give a big BrownsBoard welcome to Jake24, whose kicker, Nate Kaeding, set the tone for the season by blowing out his wheel on the opening kickoff as Jake barely scored 24, losing 80-59 to Polk High who cruised with five players in double digits.
On to Week Two!
League 5: Managed by Ryan D Fisher, aka Hillis-iz-boss
A hearty "Welcome Aboard" to our new league!!
Albino Rhinos: 90 (0 -1)
LCD Dawgs!: 122(1 - 0)
TurkeyJones: 97 (1 - 0)
Browns 149: 80 (0 - 1)
Believeland Browns: 72 (1 - 0)
Browns 57: 68 (0 - 1)
jrb12711: 73 (0 - 1)
Utzie: 108 (1 - 0)
delawaredestroyers: 79 (0 - 1)
Beef Jerky Warriors: 108 (1 - 0)
brizonx brownz: 75 (0 - 1)
Golf Wang Gooligans: 97 (1 - 0)
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Thanks for the report!
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You have to LOVE these reports ! And we appreciate the time you all spent writing them.
Flea Flickers kick backside, my Kosardawgs will be back.
I think. @@
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