Letter by Obama
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Oh, don't start whining, it's funny.
President Obama and His ‘Outstanding’ Humility
by Moxie Guest Post by Barack Hussein Obama transcribed from the teleprompter by Moxie:
Look, as I’ve always said the most important quality, in a man, is humility. And I want to lead America, by example.
Lots of Americans sit around and uh, wonder how I can stand to be so awesome day in and day out. And I’m not going to lie to you, it’s a difficult balance. My humility always returns when I look to my wife, Michelle.
She’s more of a man than I’ll ever be, and she can bench-press triple her weight, which is no small number. Roughly speaking, it’s slightly less than the deficit.
And uh…I understand this is a vast right-wing conspiracy humor site. And some of you are pretty harsh with your views on me. But I’m just like you.
My Grandma was a racist, just like all of you who didn’t vote for me. So, I’m exactly like 50% of all Americans, except I no longer have bowel movements, sometimes marvel at how easy it is to walk on water, kiss the press in private places, and ignore historical proof that, uh, my ideas may not be as good as I think.
You mock my teleprompter, and uh, as I’ve always said, I use it to appear more humble. The “uh’s” and tennis-match-observer head motions have always been my plan. When it breaks, during a speech, I appear humble by bumbling my sentences. This is all pre-planned. In fact, right now the teleprompter is scrolling at an unruly rate, so uh, I have to fake it.
Now, look — I know you Americans, who uh, understand history seem to think socialism is a failed idea. I don’t know. History. And, we’re halfway through my term, or at least half-way through the first year of my regime — and I’ve managed to implement socialism, in new and exciting ways.
And I encourage humility, especially in Americans who make more than minimum wage, because it takes humility to pay the kind of taxes I am planning for you. Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you. That’s an old Kenyan saying, one my Father taught me during the 5 hours I spent with him during my life.
Proof of my humility, in the middle of my awesome regime, may be found in a very public mistake I’ve made. Yes, I picked Biden so I’d look good, and the truly humble thing to do, would have been to pick Hillary as my veeper. But look, I’m still working on the humility. And mostly doing an outstanding job.
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And I encourage humility, especially in Americans who make more than minimum wage, because it takes humility to pay the kind of taxes I am planning for you. Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you. That’s an old Kenyan saying, one my Father taught me during the 5 hours I spent with him during my life.
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