Five tips to have fun and annoy your communist neighbors on the 4th of July

calfoxwc

I don't live near woodpecker, don't think we have any communists around here - too many places they were setting off fireworks last night. We sat on our lawn with neighbors and watched the show. God Bless AMERICA !!!

https://pjmedia.com/columns/kevindowneyjr/2022/07/03/five-tips-on-how-to-have-fun-and-annoy-your-commie-neighbors-on-the-4th-of-july-n1610160

Five Tips on How to Have Fun AND Annoy Your Commie Neighbors on the 4th of July

By Kevin Downey Jr. Jul 03, 2022 10:13 PM ET

(Mark Graves/The Oregonian via AP, file)

If there was ever a holiday your commie sister-in-law and her man-bunned soi-boifriend hate it would be July 4th. As an American, a patriot, and a descendant of filthy colonizers, I take great pride in our nation. I also really enjoy annoying pinkos all weekend long and I invite you to do the same.

Here are some helpful hints on how to bother your local bolshies.

Tip #1: A “Happy Birthday America” Party

Long ago, while working in a New York City office, I wore a birthday hat all day at work on Christmas Eve Day. The Christians got it and were tickled. When my liberal co-workers asked whose birthday it was, I said, “It’s Jesus’ birthday.” They got really annoyed. That’s when it hit me: liberals are peeved when we celebrate all the things they hate, like Jesus and America.

I highly recommend a “Happy Birthday America” party. Decorate your yard as liberals would for their child’s birthday bash. I buy the same birthday hats they buy for their children of yet-to-be-decided gender. Put signs on your lawn. Don’t be shy. Its YOUR house.

(Image credit: Kevin Downey Jr.)

LESSON-O-RAMA! Marxists hate when you hijack their rituals.

Tip #2: Get Yourself an American Flag

Nothing sets off a pinko like Old Glory. Flags are like sunshine to ~~vampires~~ Pelosi. I have one in my car so that passing commies will feel the pain. You can put a flag on your social media profiles too. It will keep Marxists from posting stupid things on your Facebook page like “Happy Native American Desecration Day.”

Remember what I said about hijacking the liberals’ rituals. Look, I’m doing it again.

Here is MY pide flag. pic.twitter.com/6NidG3CTy4

— The Kevin Downey, Jr. Show (@KDJRadioShow) July 3, 2022

Tip #3: BBQ Animals

This is important. You MUST BBQ at least three species. Many liberals only eat “food” meant for rabbits, and are easily repulsed by the sweet, lofting scent-sation of beef, pork, and chicken being grilled. It took mankind, (yes, I said mankind, suck on that too, libs!) many years to rise to the top of the food chain. Don’t be shy, eat everything you can before Bidenflation has us all eating Alpo. Bonus points if you shot or caught dinner yourself.

Tip #4: Country Music

You must blare country music. I prefer to open our yearly shebang by filling the neighborhood with Hank Jr’s “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight” as it sets the tone perfectly. I bring my stand-up comedy sound system outdoors. It is so loud it will drown out my libtard neighbor’s attempt to fight back by playing Beyonce on their iPhone.

Tip# 5: Fireworks at Night

Nothing tops off a great Independence Day celebration like a night of fireworks. Sure, your local laws may require you to stop the barrage before midnight but I seem to recall Antifa prags and BLM flunkies burning our cities on July 4th of 2020. A few fireworks should be acceptable.

FACT-O-RAMA! Legendary NYC mafia boss John Gotti threw a huge, and illegal, fireworks display every year in Queens. This hat below is from one of those parties.

(Image credit: Kevin Downey Jr.)

Fireworks are important because they are a loud reminder that you stand for everything the liberals hate: America, the military, and guns. Bonus points if their cats hide in fear.

THEORY-O-RAMA! Cats have a sense of entitlement, are selfish, annoying and they expect to be catered to. Cats are liberals.

Bonus Tip: Dress Appropriately!

(Image credit: Kevin Downey Jr.)

There you have it, patriots! All the ingredients you need to celebrate the birth of the greatest nation in history AND make the commie pinkos weep into their craft beer. Happy July 4th!

Kevin Downey, Jr. Is a comedian and columnist. When he isn't writing or performing on stage he is collecting surf records and perhaps practicing his mixologist skills at his tiki bar. His apartment, the Atomic Bunker, looks like it was furnished from George Jetson's garage sale.

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