Dear Red States:
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Dear Red States,
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and
especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama .
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay
their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of
the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve
French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech
industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias
and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of
all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all
U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90% of the
hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia .
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually
swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing
the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53
% that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of you crazies believe
you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico .
Peace out,
Blue States
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So long guys, we'll miss you.
Oh, when the People's Republic of Blue becomes a third world socialist dictatorsip (I'm guessing a year or two) those border fences should be up, so don't leave anything you need behind.
Don't forget to write, if you're still allowed to!!
WSS and the Res States
BTW we'll keep the bill of rights since you guys won't be using them anymore.
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make sure you blue guys stock up on plenty of soup, because we will pull all our industries and relocate them to the red states. and you will need to have something to eat.
but i am sure since we are all christ like in the red states that we will have a hart and send over some Aid.
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\ said:
make sure you blue guys stock up on plenty of soup....Eh, we don't need soup. We'll just hunt like our socialist Canadian friends. No automatic weapons or oozies for the general public though. Just good old fashion back woods hunting.
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\ said:
Funny. Where did that come from?Yeah, one of those email things. From my very blue, female, Hilliary convert to Obama, cousin in Annapolis, MD.
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\ said:
All kidding aside, the "new GOP" will have to find a way to appeal to younger people, more educated people, and states with more population than Kansas City. They can't win anything on trailer parks in Oklahoma. Those come and go. Literally.Almost every major city and its metropolitan area votes Democrat now. Lee Atwater's plan ran off the rails, alienating the coasts, the educated, the "elite," the media, and then couldn't seem to stop itself.
and these are the words of an educated hippie?
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Dear Blue States:
So long - please continue to send your girlfriends & wives for their "Beach weeks" & Bachelorette parties.
Elitism is apparently boring.
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I have no idea what the new GOP will look like, but I do know it will need to be radically different. As more and more kids are attending college/getting an education and as the racist folks start dying out, this Populism and campaigning-on-fear (race/religion/xenophobia) garbage will become less and less successful.
I will be proud of this country the day Obama is elected. It means we have come a long way and hereby reject the GOP- perpetuated sleaze.
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Oh, take country music and unlicensed plumbers while you're at it.
And take the Cowboys. Has to be the least favorite "America's team" in the history of sports.
Can we keep Bill Clinton since Arkansas is going red? We like him. Let's split the diff and you can keep Hill.
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Let's hope your proximity to the blue nation will keep your church controlled government from sending all of you back into the middle ages. Actually, on second thought, I hope the reds and their church controlled government do revert back.
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