WTH
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WTH?
I just filled the car up with gas, didn't notice I'd spilled some on my sleeve. Going down the road I lit a cig & my sleeve burst into flames, so I opened the window & stuck my arm out to dry & blow out the flames when the darn cops stopped me & now they're arresting me for having a fire arm without a license ..... -
Semi funny
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Maybe turn this thread into funny jokes..I like this one:
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck."
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A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the !@#$ out of all of you" Saint Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
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The Three Legged Chicken
Someone was driving down a country road. He sees something behind him coming fast! It's speeds passed him not before he gets a look at it. It's a chicken with two legs on one side and one on the other. It's going real fast so the driver steps on it and almost catches up with it before it darts into a barn by a farmhouse. Curiously he pulls in and sees a farmer.
He asks him, "is that a three legged chicken?"
Farmer says "yep. Made hybrid. The 3 boys all like a chicken leg for supper. Two whole chickens and we waste meat."
He asks "how do they taste?"
Farmer says "don't know we can't catch it"
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While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''
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Have you guys heard about the corderoy pillows? I'm surprised you haven't, they've been making headlines.
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so, true story, I was at the farmer's market this afternoon. the guy next door also has produce,
and we've been friends for a few years.
I waited til he had several customers, and walked up and said:
"Hey, man, every time I get your sweet corn, it's always outstanding"
he says "hey, thanks!"
I say, "yeah, but the last time it was terrible"....
so, the customers were aghast, he gets embarrassed, and asked what was wrong...
I say...
"oh, I just left it in my truck in the sun for four days"....
yeah, that got serious customer laughs, and him too.
Sometimes, I just get goofy.
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Stuart
The difference between female pygmies and a girls track team?
The pygmies are cunning runts.
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Stuart
The difference between female pygmies and a girls track team?
The pygmies are cunning runts.
Racist. Not Christ like. I'm judging you, you can judge others but boy howdy if someone judges you tisk risk LmaoStuart
The difference between female pygmies and a girls track team?
The pygmies are cunning runts.
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Racist. Not Christ like. I'm judging you, you can judge others but boy howdy if someone judges you tisk risk LmaoStuart
The difference between female pygmies and a girls track team?
The pygmies are cunning runts.
"One said:
Racist. Not Christ like. I'm judging you, you can judge others but boy howdy if someone judges you tisk risk Lmao
Dude that's misogyny not racism.
Get your Democrat National Committee rhetoric together bitch.
WSS
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Funny little story I'll put here since I don't want to start another thread. Whew.
About a year or so back a truck driver trainer came in distraught. The cops and ambulance was around his truck outside which cause a major distraction. I asked the driver what happened he told me it was his trainee. And he came in to shower while the trainee stayed in the truck.
I said, "what did you do? Work him to death?" as I belted out laughter.
Trucker said oh ya that's really funny. Turns out the trainee was found dead.
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