Steeler fan joke contest
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You know you are Pittsburgh Squeelers fan when...
-Your house moves but your twelve cars don't.
-You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
-You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
-You burn your yard rather than mow it.
-The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
-You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
-You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
-You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
-You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
-You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
-You have a rag for a gas cap.
-You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
-You can spit without opening your mouth.
-You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
-Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
-You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
-The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
-Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
-You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
-A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
-You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
-You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
-You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
-You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table . . . in front of her kids.
-You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
-You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
-You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
-Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey watch this."
-You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
-Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
-Your junior prom had a daycare.
-You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
-The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
-You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
-One of your kids was born on a pool table.
-You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
-You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
-You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
-Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
-Your front porch collapses and kills more than five animals.
-The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You know you are Pittsburgh Squeelers fan when...
-Your house moves but your twelve cars don't.
-You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
-You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
-You burn your yard rather than mow it.
-You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
-The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
-You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
-You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
-You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
- Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
-You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
-You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
- You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
-You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
-You have a rag for a gas cap.
-Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
-You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
-You can spit without opening your mouth.
-You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
-Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
-You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
-The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
-Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
-You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
-A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
-You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
-You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
-You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
-You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table . . . in front of her kids.
-You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
-You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
-Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
-You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
-Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey watch this."
-You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
-Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
-Your junior prom had a daycare.
-You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen start your engines."
-You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
-The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
-You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
-One of your kids was born on a pool table.
-You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
-You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
-You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
-Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
-Your front porch collapses and kills more than five animals.
-At some point in your life you've been too drunk to fish.
-The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
Thats weak bro , I live in Youngstown Ohio and that ALL Applies here. I worked in Canton for a while and the ALL Applies there. Hillbillies are Everywhere. Including Steeler Nation. And Cleveland , Ohio.
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Looks like you took a page from Jeff Foxworthy's play book.
On a different note respecting the one item you had in there where Steeler fan thinks Dom Perignon was a Mafia Don:
True story: I was looking I believe just yesterday in the Beacon Journal where they had the "Police Blotter". They break the police reports down by city. The big crime that was reported for Hudson: "Someone broke into a car and stole a bottle of Dom Perignon plus other bottles of wine with a value of $1200.00."
Poor Hudsonites. Now you know why they are not like the rest of us.
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bigger gay ben
i've won first and second place
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This is not a joke but still funny. A steelers fan came into my place of employment the other day and ordered food. He later tipped me $.50 and said "that's for being a browns fan." I was pissed. He came into work today again and I spit in his drink. His wife tipped me $5 today. I laughed to myself.
Not a joke really, but honest to god truth.
call me an asshole, I don't care...it was worth it
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FREAKofSTEEL08 said:
Yep...You an azzzzhole. Its Football you dont SPIT in someones food you classless moron. SIck Sick Sick...you need to Visit "Bubba" down in County Lockup for a few weeks.Dude just stiffed him like a true classless Steeler fook. Besides, they're used to swapping spit.
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I did this a time or two on the old AOL boards. It is time for the Steeler fan joke contest.
Now be clear, we have to acknowledge that the Pittsburgh Steelers organization is a well run, well coached successful operation. So this joke contest does not apply to the team. However, we all also realize that the Steeler fan base is one of the most ignorant on the planet, bordering on trogloditism. Thus, all jokes must be on their fans, not on the team.
(e.g. not the time for Big Gay Ben jokes)
I think we should leave the contest open for about a week before declaring the winner, who will get some kind of prize.
(but I assure you it will not be an all expenses paid trip to Pittsburgh.)
I am looking for a couple of volunteers to be judges. Perhaps some of our long time board denizens, unless you really want to be a participant, thus do not volunteer as a judge. I will be one judge.
In theory, the jokes should be "clean", though I will leave that up to the board's censors. The jokes can be as lame or as creative as you wish: e.g.: How many Steeler fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they haven't installed electric lights in any part of Allegheny County yet! Ba dum bump. (You see why I won't be a contestant)
Also, any Steeler fan bozo that thinks they can turn this into a Browns fan joke session will learn that their post will be deleted or appropriately edited to convert it a Steeler fan joke.
(Besides, we all know that there is no way that Steeler fan can really be witty enough....though they are welcome to post a self depracating joke.)
Let the fun begin!
I did this a time or two on the old AOL boards. It is time for the Steeler fan joke contest.
Let the fun begin!
In a car full of Steeler fans - who's doing the driving?
The Cop
What do you call 2 Gay Steeler fans?
Kevin FitzPatrick and Patrick FitsKevin
What do you call a Steeler Sports bar with no seats?
A fruit stand
How do Steeler fans celebrate Halloween?
Dey Pump-kin
What's the difference between a Worthlessberger date and a rooster?
One says cock-a-doodle-do and the other says any-cock-will-do
What does a Worthlessberger date & Peanut Butter have in common?
They both spread for bread
What does a Worthlessberger date and a hockey rink have in common?
Neither get cleaned between periods
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A Browns fan and a Steelers fan are in the bathroom at the urinals during the game.
After relieving himself, the Steelers fan starts washing his hands. Meanwhile, the Browns fan finishes and just walks past the sinks toward the door.
The Steelers fan looks up in disgust and says "Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you go the bathroom?"
"No, my parents taught me to not piss on my hands," replied the Browns fan.
"I like to quote myself." -Me -
A pittspuke lawyer runs a stop sign while wearing a puker jersey and gets pulled over by a Cleveland cop. He thinks that he is smarter
than the cop because he is a lawyer from pissberg and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Cleveland. He decides to
prove this to himself and have some fun at the Cleveland cop's expense.
The cop says," License and registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Then the puker lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the cop. License and registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the cop says.
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give
me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the cop says.
At this point, the cop takes out his billy club and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop......or just slow down?"
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A Browns fan and a Steelers fan are in the bathroom at the urinals during the game.
After relieving himself, the Steelers fan starts washing his hands. Meanwhile, the Browns fan finishes and just walks past the sinks toward the door.
The Steelers fan looks up in disgust and says "Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you go the bathroom?"
"No, my parents taught me to not piss on my hands," replied the Browns fan.
A Browns fan and a Steelers fan are in the bathroom at the urinals during the game.
After relieving himself, the Steelers fan starts washing his hands. Meanwhile, the Browns fan finishes and just walks past the sinks toward the door.
The Steelers fan looks up in disgust and says "Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you go the bathroom?"
"No, my parents taught me to not piss on my hands," replied the Browns fan.
OK, this is the last joke that came in before Midnight last night. Brownshirt's joke will start a new 24 hour cycle.
For the first day we have these legitimate entries:
Hiwaygal. Priest hitting Steeler fan with car door.
RoethlisbergerFU: Steeler hat over vagina (why would you waste a perfectly good vagina doing that?)
Dan in Florida: "Redneck joke adaptations to Steeler fans"
Roach: Leak in the sink of Pee-town hotel. (why do you think it is called Peetown?)
SezEJ: Steeler fan licking dog's balls
Flugel: various putdowns. A couple might be disqualified because they refer to a player. But, I will let the rest pass.
Timugen: "We don't piss on our hands".
We have myself and Kosar for President as the judges so far. Though we should have at least a third to break any ties. Hiwaygal submitted an entry so she can't be a judge.
In fact, my vote for first place for Day 1 goes to Hiwaygal. And I give Roach 2d place.
Kosar for Prez can weigh in. I will see if we have one more volunteer judge.
If you have submitted an entry for Day 1, feel free to try again for Day 2.
Carry on.
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@jadbf said:
Not sure I'd qualify as a judge. But I do accept bribes.
I'd agree. Highway definitely won day 1. and Roach was 2nd.
OK then, we have our third judge. And apparently we think alike.
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A world renowned mathematician is a huge Browns' football fan.
One day he goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I love football. I can watch
football every day 24 hours a day but I have a problem. Every time I am at
a game all I can think about is these complex math theories like what is the
relative speed on the ball when the QB throws it at a certain angle, or what
resistence occurs on a punt or what wind speed and cold---well you get the idea.
It is ruining the game for me. I can't even carry on a conversation about football
without bringing in some absurd theories. I drive my wife crazy. I'd do anything
just to enjoy football like a normal person. Can you do anything for me??? "
The doctor say " Obviously I know you have won awards around the world but your problem
is is that you are just too smart. The only solution to this is to remove a small part of
your brain".
The patient agrees and has the surgery. After the surgery the doctor comes and
says to his wife " I'm sorry but their was a big mistake during surgery and we removed
almost all of your husband's brain by mistake. He has been reduced to a blithering moron."
The wife carries on and says" Take me to him. I must speak to him." She goes into the
recovery room and shakes her husband saying "Speak to me. Just say anyhting. I know you
have been reduced to a moronic state but please, PLEASE, say something"
The husband shakes, opens his eyes and says................................................................
HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!
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A Steelers Fan walks into a bar and sits down next to a Browns fan with a dog at his feet
Orders a Iron City and looks at the Browns fan and ask
"Does yinz dog bite?"
No says the Browns fan
About half way through his IC the dog jumps up and bites the Steeler fans leg
"HEY" yinz said yinz dog didn't bite!
The Browns fan looked a the pathetic puker and said
"That's not my dog"
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OK, for Day 2 of the contest there was only 1 entry, Brownshirt's "difference between stopping and slowing down"
So, I guess he takes that day
For Day 3 we have:
DaRubes: brain surgery on mathematician
BrownB499: "not my dog" biting "puker" fan
I gotta tell ya, the "not my dog" joke is the one that made me laugh.
So my vote for Day 3 goes to Brown B499
Like I said guys, you can submit a new entry every day even if you had posted one a previous day. There is absolutely no harm in piling it on the Steeler fans.
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Biggest gay ben
Now thats a trifecta
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@jadbf said:
I thought Browns shirt was to be counted on this day?I might vote for his over B499. if not then B499 gets my vote also.
Hey guys I don't care about competition, you can take me off the list for that. Anybody that has anything bad to say about the slime puker
fans that post on Your Browns board are WINNERS in my book. And if our football team sucks, it won't be forever! My dad had alot of
sayings from Kentucky that I don't often quote but " the sun don't shine on one DAWGS ass all the time, if the sun don't move the DAWG
will."
Not from Dad.....................
How do you starve a puker fan? Hide their food stamps under their work boots.
How do puker fans get Swine Flu? From licking food stamps.
How come puker, rat birds and bungle fans don't intermarry? Nobody wants kids that are to lazy to STEEL.
What's the difference between a puker females vagina and a bowling ball? You could eat a bowling ball if you had too!!
Why do stooler players leave their Wonderlic scores on their dashboards?
So they can park in a Handicaped spot!
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@jadbf said:
I thought Browns shirt was to be counted on this day?I might vote for his over B499. if not then B499 gets my vote also.
I was looking at each day like this: Day 1 ended at 11:59 Aug. 17. Day 2 entries were between midnight and 11:59 pm on Aug. 18 (which was when Browns shirts was posted). Day 3 between midnight and 11:59 pm on Aug. 19 (when Rubes and B499 posted). This "morning" at midnight started Day 4 and goes to 11:59 pm tonight. Sound OK?
.jpg.a1a2b9a0c33008fdaf4097d8fe2cfd64.jpg "Riffer X"){kind=avatar}
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